LONG Week.

It has been a long, long week. One of those that made it seem like this next six months will never end. But we got through it. And we did really well. I even pulled some good mothering out of the sky and used it on Jooj. (She didn't know what hit her!)

We made some Jack-O-Lanterns. Jooj was in charge of making the crucial face-shape decisions.
(We were supposed to make a sign that said "Hi, Grandma Jenny!" But we forgot. Sorry.)

We also made some paper-chain ghosts. (Holy Ghostesses, as Jooj calls them...) She even made the faces.
She threw a fit when I wouldn't leave her behind in the kennel while I went to the grocery store
She climbed all the way to the top of the stairs. In the Nude.

It was Fall for approximately one day. We excitedly wore a sweater. Now it is Summer again.
We did a lot of water coloring. In the Nude.

Only 22 more weeks of this to go.

Farm Follow Up

Oh, my great good gravy.

My tomatoes weren't red yet, so I grabbed a can of food storage, some homegrown basil and parsley, and some cheese, and made this from here.

And the house smells so amazing that I wish you could share it with me.

And W, who hates tomatoes can suck it, because he is in Kuwait for 180-something more days.

And Lulu, I know you think it is cheating, but roll-out crust from the store is just as flaky as home-made, and causes less cursing on my behalf.

And Jooj saw it and said "Ooh! A Sunbeam!"
I can't wait to try this with fresh picked ones!

Adventures at the Farm

Fall is my favorite time of year. Followed by winter. Then Summer. Then Spring.

I love the fall because we get a break from the heat (which means a major 20 degree drop for us here in the EP!) and because it is harvest season. I love the back to school spirit, Halloween, and Thanksgiving. I especially love the Fall in El Paso because we really and truly have such a small amount of nature. But in the fall, we can jaunt across the highway to New Mexico and BAM!! Nature!
Which is why we went to the U-Pick Farm. Insta-Nature. And Zucchinis.

Jooj insisted on pulling the wagon.

A trick about tomatoes I learned from my Grampa Kent--They won't redden up if they keep getting water. So because of Freaking Ike, none of our home tomatoes ripened, and none of these ones did, either. But you can pick green tomatoes, keep them on your counter, and they will turn red and a few days. Hooray!

We are farmers. -Ish.

I love the fall!

Blah Blah did some stuff Blah Blah ate some stuff Blah Blah.

Oh, what a week it has been. Full of school, the gym, and other nonsense. How do so many little trivialities make enough time to form a week?

First, Jooj is no longer even saying goodbye to me when she goes to preschool. She just runs in and doesn't look back. She is learning phonics (MMMM! Monkeys Munching Muffins!) and likes to yell at me after school. Then we get a shake.

And while Jooj is at school I go to the gym. I joined Curves, where I am the youngest person there. By at least 20 years. But it still kicks my butt. It is also next door to a 31 flavors. Which is closed in the morning. Which is why I go in the morning.

I went to the temple on Thursday, and didn't even get shot at! So that was a plus. It was unnerving to cross the bridge and be surrounded by Mexican soldiers carrying major machine guns. (They fired 400 police officers this week for corruption and replaced them with soldiers. Who are probably also corrupted.) I realized how much I miss going to Mexico. I have to get back to the crazy markets and the delicious elotes.

And now it is time to go to the ball.

Mami! I stuck!

It has been a long week--very rainy. Which means very muddy. Which means we have been in the house all week long. Which may explain this:

Seasons

Today was an incredibly hard day.

W left for Kuwait on Saturday at about 4 am, continuing our separation (this time for even longer) and I was left to pick up the pieces. Which I am usually good at.

(Except that the past three months I have, essentially, been living under a dark cloud, and can't pick up my own pieces, let alone manage everyone's nonsense.

More on that when I am better.)

We stayed inside all Saturday, because Jooj was happy and I didn't want to rock the boat. But Sunday means church. Which I love.

Except that today I couldn't bear to talk to anyone, to see anyone, to handle anything.

But Jooj wanted to go. So I tried. And I couldn't do it, and I had to leave. And she went to nursery and then went home with her best friend, where she ate dinner and played until dark.

And I just sat at home. Just sat.

And I felt so guilty--I should be able to do this! Don't I know that the Lord doesn't give a task that we can't handle? This is nothing! I have been doing this for years! And now the ward is going to know what an unfit parent I am--to just leave my kid to be taken care of by someone else! Without any diapers or snacks, even! And I didn't even get a substitute music teacher for the children's classes!

And as I sat I began to feel like things would be better, eventually. And I started to breathe a little easier, and I drank some milk and ate some MnMs (and realized that, yes, I am a stress eater) and sat some more.

And I began to miss Jooj. And I got up and put some things away. And I cleaned the floor.

And Jooj came home, begging to stay longer with Hannah, not even missing me at all, and Hannah's Mami told me that she was welcome all day tomorrow, too, and that she understood.

Then Jooj and I took a bath together ("Mami! Boobies AND Nipples?!!?") and sprayed water on each other's heads with rubber ducky squirters, and I realized that, in the past, I have given a lot. A LOT. And even though the hymn says

Because I have been given much I too, must give

right now I need to take.

And not just from friends and church members, not just help in daily activities, but from the Lord. I need to take His word for it when He says that the Atonement will work in my life. I need to take His offer of carrying burdens, and doing the impossible so that I may do the possible. I need to be a gracious recipient of the quiet peace that He wants to send into my life, and I need to open my heart to feel of the love and strength that He wants to give to me.

I forget.

The biggest casualty of the deployment has been my brain.

I can barely think. Of anything. ANYTHING.

I used to be all smart and thoughtful--I didn't even NEED the spellchecker because I knew it was wrong when I typed it. That is how smart I was, peeps. And I knew how many oz were in a cup without looking at the measuring cup. That is almost knowing the metric system, peeps. High intelligence.

Now I am completely brain-dead.

At night I can't sleep so I play on the laptop to tire me out. And my brain has suffered for it.
At night I am so tired I just watch TV. And my brain has suffered for it.

And, somehow, Jooj has gotten smarter. On her own she has figured out the concept of "both vs all" and is working on understanding "best friends." ("I you best friend to find shoes, Mami!") How is this possible? I certainly am not teaching her anything.

On a side note, if you write or type "turnip" about six times in a row it ceases to lose all meaning. Try it. That is how my brain feels all of the time. (See how I brought it back to me? At least I haven't lost THAT skill, yet.)

Back to Being a Bad Mom

I just went to buy tickets to Winnie the Pooh Live and found out it will cost me almost $100 for good seats.

I won't go if I don't have good seats.

And I won't pay $100.

So we will just watch a cartoon at home.

Bad, bad Mami.

Glue! I MUST Be a Good Mom!

And pipe cleaners!



And pom poms!
(I am only a few steps from Montessori Living every day--I can FEEL it!)
(And does it negate the excellent mommying if we immediately watched Dora after this? And Fraggles? Drat.)

Weekly Update

I have now taken a 1-4 pm siesta every day this week. It kicks some serious hambone. I highly recommend it.
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This week, while driving, I realized that I had listened to almost an entire Bryan Adams song without knowing it. I felt violated. And kind of old.
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Jooj will only allow me to brush her teeth if I call her Princess. Then she extends a hand and curtsies. And blows one kiss.
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I have six tomatoes and four strawberries growing in my garden already. No squash yet.
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La Yen Out.

The Menagerie Continues

We went to the Licon Dairy (Fresh Asadero Cheese!!) for playgroup, and saw even more hairy beasts. Jooj called them "Aminals" and my first thought was "Really? Isn't that specific baby word a little cliched?" And then I remembered that she is three, and I got over it.

And then we came home and Cay Cay had sent a Dubai Hoochie dress (which she accented with a grass skirt), so the trend of camels and burkas continues.



You may be asking yourself, "Why are cramming so much in, in such a short amount of time?"
And I would answer:

We have a tiny window before it goes from Spring (85 degrees) to Summer (400 degrees at night.) It could happen any day. Seriously.

Yes, Virginia, Camels do Have Toes.

We decided at the last possible minute, to drive 5 hours to Albuquerque on Tuesday. Mami needed to go to the temple (and going to Juarez, Mexico is not an option right now, what with all of the mayhem) and we had a group of friends who could provide childcare.

So we packed our bag, hopped in the Explorer, lost the Ipod in our haste, and made the drive.

Wednesday morning, at the crack of dawn, Mami and some pals went to the temple--and it was exactly what I needed. I felt energized and that everything would be fine.

And then I stopped at the cafeteria and got a Kara truffle and a gingersnap. Even finer.

We headed back to the hotel to check out in a frenzy, and then went to the faboo Albuquerque Zoo. With, apparently, the entire population of New Mexico.
We saw Mingos, Jagrawrs ("RAWR! Now you say RWARS a me! Do it, you Jagrawr!"), polar bears ("What does a polar bear say?" ".....HONK HONK!!!" "Ok.") and GoCougs. And then--AND THEN!

I have no vanity when it comes to the informative purposes of showing you, my friends, what the proper pose is for mounting a camel. And yes, Azucar, those are crocs. Suck it.

And after we drove home last night we found apackage waiting from Papi. Complete with Jamel the Camel ("He say MOOOOOO! And *sniff*!"). And a burkha.



What a day!

Thinking and coping and hoping.

These past few weeks as I have struggled with adjusting to the new life that Jooj and W and I are living, I am trying to keep a little more grounded, a little more perched to understand the Lord's will for me.

As I was reading, I was reminded of Nephi's response to the Lord's direction to return to Israel and get the plates from Laban. The words jumped out at me--that God gives no commandments without also preparing a way for his children to accomplish what is required. In the past, I have looked at that promise as something to cling to when it feels like I cannot go on--sort of an "enduring=hanging for dear life" perspective. As I have been pondering it this week I have realized that, for me, I need to look at it in the following way:

I must do what is asked of me, because it is a commandment. And because it is a commandment, the Lord will make it possible to accomplish. And because it is now possible to accomplish, I can do it.

This is probably something that you already know, but for me it has been an eye-opener, to say the least. For example:

Army did not command W to leave us for 15 months; W joined the military with fasting and prayer, and I know that God commanded W to be in the Army. Therefore, God has commanded W to serve away from his family for this time. But since it is a commandment, not an unfeeling order from some General somewhere, it is possible for us to be able to do this. Even more, it is possible for this to be beneficial to us in the long run; great blessings can come of this, since blessings always follow the keeping of commandments. Huh.

I can also apply this to health and fitness and keeping my house clean and mothering well--all are commandments given by the Lord (D&C 109:8, D&C 89, and D&C 121:43). When I realize that, since I have been commanded to discipline the Jooj so that she becomes a decent person, with faith I will be able to accomplish it, it seems doable. And when I remember that the Lord will make a way for me to get my house in order, even if it seems impossible, I have hope that it can be done. Does that make sense? It is like some sort of mathematical proof--if A is true and B is true, then AB must be true. If God always keeps his promises, and God promises that I can do it, then it can be done.

And that helps.

Stupid January.

Wed. W left.
Wed. I woke up sick and had to go to the doctor.
Wed. I found out that the antibiotics make me horrendously nauseated.
Fri. I left the house for three hours, for the first time since Wed.
Fri. they turned off my gas during the three hours I was out, because I didn't pay the bill, because I didn't receive it and didn't remember to call because I have been a little preoccupied. See Wed.
MON. they will come and turn it back on. Because 12 hours of below-freezing temps does not count as too cold to summon a technician to work on the weekend. (24 does.)
MON. I will wait at home all day for someone to come between 8 and 5. I cannot leave or they might come. I can either wait all day or have them call me 30 minutes ahead of time, but if I don't hear the phone or am vomiting and can't get to the phone then they will assume I do not want them to come and then I can reschedule in another week. So I will wait all day.
MON. I will get to take a shower. And cook on the stove.
Tues. we get paid and I will go buy a Peanut Buster Parfait.
Never is when I will go visit out of state. Because I can't even make it five days without drama. And I am just too tired. And nauseated. And cold. And stinky.

On the plus side, CayCay sent me chocolates and Jooj learned to wink.

I hope that February is better than this. Because January sucketh.

So Far So Good

W flies out today--he was supposed to be at work at 9, but got called in at the crack of dawn. So he gave me a hug and a kiss (I was half asleep) and went to work, just like it was a normal day. I am glad. It feels better that way. No grieving, like I have been doing all week.

Yesterday we went to the zoo where most of the animals are in hiding. Jooj wanted to see the "Rawrs" but they were moved because of construction. The prairie dogs were out in force, so she was appeased.

And today she seems to be normal, so far. "No No Nana--I NEED Peeckle!" And watching Gabba.

I will keep you posted