Our bowling alley in the EP is FULL of lightly colored refuse.

The bowling alley down the street is advertising $1 games for the summer. And it is air conditioned. So we went. (Note to those looking to move to the EP: You will do almost ANYTHING to get into some refrigerated air. If the "gentlemens' club" had $1 games, we would go there.)

Jooj had a good time. Until she smashed her finger. But then she ate nachos, so it was okay. Then she threw some fits and got a yellow card*. Then we came home. THE END.

PS I got a new camera. I kind of really hate it. We will see if I return it. I miss my old camera. Curses.
PPS Our slutty fish keep impregnating each other. Is there any sort of fish IED I can purchase?

*Yellow cards are the new verbal warning. She went to a Dodgeball game with W and saw some soldiers get thrown out after receiving yellow, then red cards. She gets many yellows a day, but only one or two reds. Thanks, sporting events!

Avian Flu

The El Paso zoo is a nice combination of no crowds and no animals. Which makes it great for a toddler, but a little boring for a preschooler who is ALMOST four. What they lack in quantity, though, they make up for in some neat glass exhibits. And a burro.

The great thing about the zoo is that it takes an hour, tops, to get through. Less if the date coincides with the time of the month in which I get Super Smelling Powers and cannot go within fifty feet of the reptile/squirrel/random birds area.

We love to watch the bears through the glass in their habitat. Jooj is delighted with "bear buns."

And the tiger, who always looks too skinny. She used to call it a "Rawr." Now she just calls it a tiger. Sunrise, Sunset, soon Mami will get some time to herself!
We always finish the day with a trip to the sea lion area. Really, really cool exhibit with an underwater cave viewing area. They pulled these guys out of the Rio Grande.

But Jooj's favorite thing at the zoo? Feeding the birds. This time she got really excited because they were eating out of her hand. Then she got really ticked because they pecked her.Notice she is in the stroller. Girl did not lift a foot to walk. So now, when she should be in bed, I am the one who is exhausted and she is ready to party.

On the way home she told me "I going to be a doctor at the zoo and when people feed the *ga-raffs popcorn they will get popcorn in thems bellies and then them will pop and I will fix them."



*There are no giraffes at our zoo.

It all Started After I Ate the Cauliflower. Coincidence?

Strange things are afoot in the EP.

Item one: I started shaking on Thursday evening during a movie. A nice, relaxing movie.

Item two: I have not stopped shaking ever since.

Not like little tremors. Like I am a complete goon who is fully-palsying. In my torso, legs, and hands. And my back. And my feet. And my toes.

So I went to the Doctor today, and they ran me through all sorts of silly tests to determine if I had brain damage.

I do not.

So they took a kajillion vials of blood to run tests. As a side note, it is difficult to hold still while donating blood if your entire body is shaking. But I am a trooper, you know.

Item three: It is snowing. Remember on Saturday, how it was in the eighties? Not any more!

Item four: They gave me some anti-seizure medication. Still shaking.

Item five: It was so bad that all of these old veterans with tubes in their noses kept trying to give me their seats at the hospital. I declined. Because I feel just fine. But man, are my muscles sore from the shaking. Man.

To sum up: Not brain damaged. Shaking. Legs can do reflex hammer test AND shake at the same time. Old people pity me. Snowing in EP.

Here's to hoping Dr. House has an enlightening episode this week...Maybe I have a secret pregnancy in my nervous cord, or my cloits are septic or I need some transfusifications. Or maybe it is my twin.

A little bit of everything.

Jooj has her own blog. It documents her life via her pictures. Very Post-Modern. Or Mid-Raphaelite. Maybe Pre-Columbian?

Joojtography

And speaking of pictures, I leave you with this:

Blah Blah did some stuff Blah Blah ate some stuff Blah Blah.

Oh, what a week it has been. Full of school, the gym, and other nonsense. How do so many little trivialities make enough time to form a week?

First, Jooj is no longer even saying goodbye to me when she goes to preschool. She just runs in and doesn't look back. She is learning phonics (MMMM! Monkeys Munching Muffins!) and likes to yell at me after school. Then we get a shake.

And while Jooj is at school I go to the gym. I joined Curves, where I am the youngest person there. By at least 20 years. But it still kicks my butt. It is also next door to a 31 flavors. Which is closed in the morning. Which is why I go in the morning.

I went to the temple on Thursday, and didn't even get shot at! So that was a plus. It was unnerving to cross the bridge and be surrounded by Mexican soldiers carrying major machine guns. (They fired 400 police officers this week for corruption and replaced them with soldiers. Who are probably also corrupted.) I realized how much I miss going to Mexico. I have to get back to the crazy markets and the delicious elotes.

And now it is time to go to the ball.

B.Y.O.P.

Dear Mexico,
I know that you have gotten a bad rap, what with your immigrants and your language and your NAFTA. But I wanted to let you know that I truly and deeply thank you for the siesta. Because it is really really hot here, just North of your Chihuahua border, and sleeping from one until four helps the heat pass.

Also, thank you for the Baja Chalupa. Not yours? Ours? Really? Well, then, carry on.

Con mucho gusto,

La Yen

How much do I hate bugs?

I think I just broke my finger killing a spider. I really think it is broken. I hit the spider so hard that I think I broke my finger. Ouch.

But it was a hairy spider the size of a half-dollar. And I killed the crap out of it.

PS--when I was little I used to be so afraid that the resurrection would come while I was on the toilet, and all of the dead bugs we had flushed would appear and bite my buns.

PPS--My finger really hurts.

The Menagerie Continues

We went to the Licon Dairy (Fresh Asadero Cheese!!) for playgroup, and saw even more hairy beasts. Jooj called them "Aminals" and my first thought was "Really? Isn't that specific baby word a little cliched?" And then I remembered that she is three, and I got over it.

And then we came home and Cay Cay had sent a Dubai Hoochie dress (which she accented with a grass skirt), so the trend of camels and burkas continues.



You may be asking yourself, "Why are cramming so much in, in such a short amount of time?"
And I would answer:

We have a tiny window before it goes from Spring (85 degrees) to Summer (400 degrees at night.) It could happen any day. Seriously.

Guess who is coming to EP?

"We'll give you fifty bucks, and you won't have to sleep in your van for a weekend."
"And I just have to go here? And sing? Done."

The Search

One of the trickiest things about moving to a new area is replacing all of the services that I need--hair, car, groceries, crack, etc.
The hardest by far has been the hair/nail/eyebrow maintenance search in EP. I have very specific needs (not a mullet) and have had a hard time with the language barrier. (Bad sign: "Ju wan whhispees?")
But yesterday my search for the nail place got a little bit further. We were killing time at the crappy crappy mall next to Costco (the mall with a store called "Aromas of Nature") and I noticed that the nail place didn't have a big wait, so I went in for a manicure.

(Let me first state that I have a few UNBENDING requirements for a nail place.
1. I want very little English from my nail techs. Even if they can speak fluently, I don't want to know about it. Very judgmental of me, playing into stereotypes, I know, so suck it. I want to get massaged and prettied without having to talk to anyone about anything other than "French Tip?"
2. I want a bunch of fancy pedi chairs--I don't want to wait and think about the person who may have sat there before me.
3. I do not want to see the bizarre nail posters (My least favorite? "Coffee and Nails"))

As I entered the place, the "boss" called me honey three times. Con
But they immediately sat me down and had me soak my hands. Pro
Boss tried to practice his English with a client. Con
Client was not me. Pro
No Nail Posters ANYWHERE. Pro
Nine Pedi Chairs. Pro
Manicure tech told me I had "Way too much cuticle. Been too long since last manicure. Very lazy." Con
Also told me Jooj was very big for her age. Pro
Old eyebrow waxing lady said the following sentences: "Ahnyong ahnyong ahnyong Fajita." "Ahnyong ahnyong ahnyong Mexican Restaurant." Pro!
Manicure tech washed my hands for me. Didn't even want me to be near my hands. Pro.
HEATED TOWELS. Pro Pro Pro!
Boss started teasing manicure tech in English. She played along for two sentences and then yelled at him in not English and from the look on her face, I think that she threatened his manhood, possibly his life. Pro.

So I think I may have found my nail place.

The Best (Labor) Day E-Ver

1. Sleep in until 9:30
2. Go to Zoo**
3. See Alligators bite each other
4. See Elephant get hosed down
5. Eat at Famous Dave's
6. Take nap
7. Forgo dinner for Coca Cola Chocolate Cake and ice cream
8. Watch Raising Arizona with friends


**Things I was allergic to before moving to North Mexico: Nothing
Things I am now allergic to: Zoo.

Andale, Hermano Breegang, Andale

So I am the Activities Committee for our ward.

Luckily, I belong to a stake that does not want the wards to do anything at all, so they have some sort of activity for every occasion. And you KNOW how I love to not have to expend any effort.

So I was given our assignment for the Stake Pioneer Day picnic, which is to bring the traditional Pioneer fare...

Nachos.

Seriously.

Keep in mind that for th 4th of July Boy Scout Pancake Breakfast they only served Menudo.

The Boy Scout Cow Gut Soup Breakfast Honoring the WASPY Founding of America.

So I have decided to bring the Pioneer Spirit to honoring my ancestors with Nachos. I am going to name each topping with an appropriate Pioneer name. This is what I have so far.

Buffalo Chips
Flaming Oxcart Salsa
Heber C Queso
Mormon Battalapenos
Walked and Walked and Walk-amole

Can you think of any others?

Forces of Evil:0, Forces of Good: 1

So, you know how I live fifteen minutes from Mexico? And you know how I have reported on:
1. A neighbor wearing a wife beater, cowboy hat, steel-tipped boots, and Wranglers walking his Chihuahua down the street on a leash
2. A neighbor wearing a wife beater, Mariachi pants, and steel-tipped boots doing rope tricks in his front yard
3. The inability of the Wal Mart to keep the four-foot tall garden altars to the Virgin of Guadalupe* in stock (I have counted FIVE in our immediate neighborhood)

Well, last night took it all.

Note: I am not making a single one of these things up. I swear.

Last night, about five pm, my across the street neighbors (the ones who sweep their front grass with a kitchen broom) started to unload the kegs, catering trays, and people into their home.

Last night, about six pm, we put Jooj to bed, because she was a whiny rascal, and needed to sleep.

Last night, about six-thirty pm, W was promised Relations if he procured me a Peanut Buster Parfait** from the DQ.
Last night, about six-thirty-five pm the across the street neighbors raised their garage door and turned on the music. The banda*** music. And the lights. The disco ball lights. With a plural 'S. Because there were more than two.

So, last night, about six-forty, Jooj woke up screaming from the banda.

As a side note, one of the most famous stories of my family is when my aunt lived in Manhattan Beach, California, on the beach. Many of the homes near her were rented out for much of the year. One night, a school night, by the way, one of the rentals was housing a Nortena party. Feeling sheepish, she called the police to tell them to turn it down. The dispatcher responded "The police are busy, ma'am, catching criminals." Desperate, my aunt pleaded "But you don't understand--they are playing Banda!" Silence on the other end, then "We'll be right there, ma'am." The party was broken up within twenty minutes.

And was awake for the consumption of the PBP**** By nine pm, we were pretty sure that there was going to be no sleep for any of us.
But then it started to rain. With lightening. So the party slowed a bit, and we put Jooj back down. And we started to smooch.*****

And the rain subsided. And the banda music loudened. And then the Karaoke started.

And just when things looked the most bleak, when the audible "epas" and crashing of beer bottles were threatening to take over the entire house

The power went out.

Proving that God dislikes Los Tigres Del Norte as much as the rest of us.



*Patron Saint of Immigrants
**The Secret? Salty peanuts mixing with the hot fudge
***Best described by one of our Venezuelan friends as "La Musica De Doot-Doot Doot-Doot Doot-Doot Doot-Doot."
****Another secret? Hot fudge, THEN soft serve, then more fudge.
*****I DEFY you to make out to banda music.