Who Gave Her a Microphone?

Because that person is fired.

No Success Outside the Home will Compensate for TastyKakes Inside the Home

First: Thanks for your prayers. I assume you were praying for me, because I am self-centered like that. No more shaking and no other symptoms. I am even wearing heels again, so Azucar can breathe a sigh of relief. I know that there was some miraculous healing going on.

Second: TASTYKAKE available in EP! For those not in the know, Hostess and Bluebird and Little Debbie are the bastard siblings of the far superior TastyKake. (We won't even discuss Dolly Madison and her plastic zingers with their slightly delicious roll-off frosting.) I think it is only available in the South, and East, possibly in the Mid. Maybe just not in Utah or California. Not sure. What I am sure of is that I bought some today. And it is awesome. I was very close to having to order them online.

Third: I give you the Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. I bribed her with a "Hippity Hop" TastyKake. Which is dark chocolate and coconut. I was trying so hard not to laugh that I forgot the words. Which is fine, because she did her own riff. She is an improviser like that.


Fourth: At 1AM this morning when Jooj was having a 105 fever and was shivering I put her in the bath to cool her body, and then I was carrying her and being extra nice and she said "Why you doing all this for me, Mami?" And I said "Because I am your Mami and it is what I do." And she said "That is so nice." Which warmed my cockles. Then she informed me that when her father comes home the two of them will sleep in my bed and I will sleep in her room.

Fifth: She then said a prayer and closed it thusly: "In Jesus' name, Amen. Pi-ZOW!!"

Sleep Well, Mami Dearest...

Jooj: I tell you a story!

Once upon a time there was a big bad mean Mami. She said "GO TO BED NOW!!!" Then there was a dinosaur. A MEAN dinosaur. And he said "No, Mami!" And then he was a happy dinosaur.

Linguistics

It is a Fun and Exciting Quiz!
Can you Understand Jooj--translate the following statements:

1. "I Yike Sata."
2. "Mo Mo Truck y Honkey y Cat y Baby Truck"
3. "Yes Yes My Teetas."
4. "I need money and soda."
5. "Mony mony cap"
6. "Cap Cap Cap Cap Cap"
7. "Seedee dowey"
8. "I need crickus mik"
9. "I go jurrs."
10. "I yuckum."

Post your best guesses on the comments!

Ok, here are the answers:

1. I like Santa
2. I would like to watch Shrek again.
3. Yes, that is my tea set.
4. I need money and soda.
5 Holy Moly Crap.
6. Crap Crap Crap Crap Crap.
7. Silly Doggie.
8. May I please have some eggnog?
9. I want to go downstairs.
10. You're welcome.

Never Schedule Family Portraits in Advance.

Serious air. Sidewalk. The only mark on her body.

ps--I miss you.

The Halloween Pimp Miracle

For Halloween we decided to trick or treat with Las Primas, so we went to Balboa Island where Papa Noel had promised to house sit during the night. We made an executive decision to only go a block or two, because the girls are too young to know any better. (Yay for deception!)
As we rounded the pier, we saw a nun drinking wine and watching the ocean. Then she said her name was Sister Mary Seashell and we realized she was not actually a nun. And she had candy! Now Jooj and the Primas will have a really odd view of the Catholic Church.

We kept going along the shore and ran into a bunch of teenagers, dressed like gentlemen entrepreneurs. The girls, now adept at begging for candy, ran up to the kids and screamed "TrickyTreat!" And these kids responded by UNLOADING their candy bags into the girls' pumpkins. I thanked them and said "My, what generous pimps you are!" and the kids thought that was hilarious, and gave them more candy. Jooj couldn't carry her bag any longer, it was so bulging. Naturally, I wanted to preserve the moment that my daughter first received sweets from a strange man in a large, furry hat.

Then we went back to the house and ate all of their booty.
The girls and their Papis
The girls pose with Grammy Su's Gumdrop Buttons
Jooj and "NoNo"

Queen of the Carousel

Alice and Go-Cougs! leading the way





The first thing we did in California was go to the Disney Halloween Event. We went with Ames, the primas, and Amy's family. It was awesome. Here is why:

1. Everyone was in costume (I went as "tired.")
2. Jooj was operating on TWENTY hours of awake time.
3. Trick or Treating sponsored by FruitABu and Nestle.
4. Didn't go on any rides but one

And what a ride that one turned out to be--the carousel (home of Goo-Goo and Dave--ask Lil~J) is always a favorite with the girls. We waited our turn, picked an animal, and BING! Jooj was crowned Queen of the Carousel! Heidi was less than thrilled. Jooj was applauded by the crowd. Papi was busy talking to Dr. Boyer and missed it.

We will be doing this next year, too. Come join us!
PS: Go Cougs!

And just like that, the A-Day love is gone

Things I have said today:
"Sorry, no friends today."
"How sad!"
"What a sad day this is for you!"
"You can play with friends another day."
"When you are sassy you cannot go outside."
"When you are sassy it means you need to take a nap."
"That's too bad."
"I love you."
"Do you love me?"
"Can you say 'I love you Mami?'"
"Can you give me a kiss, then?"
"How about a hug?"
"Please say "I love you" to Mami.

Only three or four hours until bedtime.

Cooking with Hitler

I made ice cream for our dinner with the missionaries. Jooj helped by eating chocolate chips.

My Jooj is Radical.

She LOVES to watch Yo Gabba Gabba, especially for this:

Biz's Beat of the day. She walks around the house all day beat boxing.

Anyone want to rap with her?

Jooj's new favorite correspondent

Apparently she and CJane have been talking. Now I am worried that I am going to have to buy her something from Anthropologie...

Superstar!
http://blog.cjanerun.com/2007/09/la-yens-jooj.html

Two and a Half

(This picture was from when she insisted on doing the already folded and stacked laundry.)

Do you want an apple?
NO!! DJIDJI CAN DOOID!
Do you want some milk?
NO!! DJIDJI CAN DOOID!
DO you want to watch Mickey?
NO!! DJIDJI CAN DOOID!
Do you want a popsicle?
NO!! DJIDJI CAN DOOID!
Do you want to go outside?
NO!! DJIDJI CAN DOOID!
You need to clean up your crayons, please.
NO!! Mami Can Do it.

Cry for me, Argentina

9:00 am Jooj welcomes the morning with cymbals and a recorder.
9:01 am Jooj asks to play with her friend, Case ("Pay Gigi Case!")

10:00 am Jooj demands milk ("Meekey")

10:01 am Jooj refuses to let me pour her milk ("Gigi Meekey!")
10:03 am Jooj pulls glass of milk out of my hand and spills it all over floor
10:04 am Jooj learns how to wipe up milk with a paper towel
11:30 am Jooj demands that I sit and color a dog ("'Mon Mami Gigi Dowey Color Sit!")
11:32 am Jooj demands I sit somewhere else ("Mere Mami Sit")
11:33 am Jooj demands I sit somewhere else ("No Mami Gigi Sit Mere")
11:34 am Jooj stands in the corner for hitting Mami ("Sah-ee Mami.")
11:45 am I tell her to lay down for a diaper ("No.")
11:50 am I tell her to lay down for a diaper ("No. Gigi Poo Poo Gigi.")
11:51 am I drag her to lay down for a diaper
11:52 am Jooj stands in the corner for kicking Mami while she tried to change her diaper
12:30pm I get her in the car so we can go to the dentist
12:30-1:00 We drive to the dentist
12:30-1:00 Jooj demands we listen to Beyonce's Irreplaceable over and over and over and over
1:00-1:30 Jooj gets her teeth cleaned
1:30-2:00 We drive home
1:00-2:00 Jooj demands we listen to Beyonce's Irreplaceable over and over and over and over
2:00-5:00 Case comes to play. Mami finally gets to pee. ("Gigi Case Pay!!")
5:01 pm Jooj stands in the corner for hitting Mami ("Sah-ee Mami.")
5:09 pm Jooj stands in the corner for kicking Mami ("No Gigi!")
5:30 pm Jooj throws a fit because I won't let her pour the pasta into the boiling water
6:00 pm Jooj stands in the corner for throwing pasta at Mami and then running and hiding
6:30 pm We Marcha Marcha up to read books before bed
7:00 pm we say prayers and Jooj throws another fit. ("Mas Books Gigi!")
7:10 om I start to clean up
7:30 pm I hear cymbals
8:30 pm I hear the xylophone
9:30 pm Jooj is still playing the recorder
10:30 pm I sneak in to turn off her light, find Jooj still awake, dressing up in three pair of pants
10:31 pm I read her a book
10:35 pm I read her another book
10:40 pm I sing her a song and we cuddle
10:45 pm I close the door
10:45-11:00 Jooj has a screaming, kicking, almost vomiting fit
11:01-11:30 pm I read her another book
11:31 pm Jooj has a screaming, kicking, almost vomiting fit
12:00 am Jooj askes to sleep in my bed (Gigi Mamis Bed)
12:10 am Jooj kicks me in the baby maker
12:15 am Jooj jumps in bed
12:18 am "Mami? Mami? Mami?"
12:19 am "Hi!"
12:20 am "Doing, Mami?"
12:21 am "Mami, Go Here."
12:22 am "Doing, Mami?"
12:45 am I wake up to Jooj standing over me in a children of the corn sort of way.
12:48 am I put her back in her room
12:48-1:02 am Jooj screams in her room
1:03 am Silence.
9:00 am Jooj heralds the morning with cymbals and a recorder.

Deployment Survival Must? Twice a Week Gymnastics!

Many people have commented on the fact that it must be difficult to be alone all of the time, what with Army seducing W and everything, and it is. One solution? Getting out of the house. Another solution, feeling joy. Combine both of them and you have the makings of a great day.


I defy you to find a better joy-bringer than attending a toddler class of any kind. Dance recitals, soccer games, karate--all are acceptable for enjoyment. Most, however, do not take kids until they are three.

But gymnastics loves the terribles! (Think about it--the Chinese and the Russians get them in the womb to start doing handsprings. That is why they get gold medals, people!)

If you are ever feeling lonely or blue, get yourself out of the house, call up a niece or nephew, and watch their class. If you are lucky, you will see the following things:

• tantrums from toddlers
• tantrums from competitive mommies
• nose picking
• random singing and dancing
• twirling
• crotch grabbing
• the "ta-daa" moment

This final point is the must for sure--that moment when you have never been happier in your whole day, because the kid did it right--whatever it happens to be. Maybe they kicked the ball, did the right move, or figured out where their hips are located. But at that moment, you MUST yell "You did it! Ta-Daa!" and the kid lights up completely. Excitement is high. You cannot help but soak it in. It is addicting.

And so I present Joojia Comanice Lou Retton.
(And the twice a week gymnastics class!)




Showing off her "Ha-Haaa!" before she goes to "Jinkies."

Jumping and climbing. She is in heaven.
She then gets a sticker and a sucker.

Friday's Must? Mint Chip Icecream

In an unprecedented move, we chanced the Fates of Stickiness and Jooj had a bath before dinner. Then she got to eat her favorite meal. The Jooj ate 3/4 of a box of Annie's Shells and White Cheddar sprinkled with Penzey's Sandwich Sprinkle. That is a TON of Mac N Cheese. How can someone so small fit so much in her belly?

Let me back up

Her stomach is completely empty because she has learned how to touch her uvula. (That's the thing in the back of the throat, right? Not a thing in her Hoo, right?)

She can stick her entire fist in her throat.

She likes to do this in the car. Because she can see herself in the rear-view mirror.

So her stomach is empty because of her Bulemia.

And she is covered in vomit.

Which is why I gave her a bath in my special, extra-deep bath tub before dinner.

Let me back up.

When I went to put her in the bath tub I filled it before hand and made that frantic timed race to get her naked and into the full tub before she peed all over everything.

So I didn't really LOOK in the tub.

But Jooj did and saw this


Got it so far? Vomit, Scorpion, Mac for Jooj, ice cream for Mami.

Let me back up.

So she gets into my tub and asks me to get in with her. I figure that she has had a rough time and so I get in and put in bubbles. Cool Mami, that's me.

And then she makes a very concerned face.

And then I start freaking out "Jooj did you make poo poos in the tub?"

And then she nods.

And then I start trying to part the bubbles while praying it was just a tooter.

And then I offer a prayer of tearful gratitude for tooters.

And then I ate a big bowl of mint chip ice cream for dinner and Jooj ate 3/4 of a box of Annie's White Shells and Cheddar with Penzey's Sandwich Sprinkle

Firestarter when she was angry
VS.

Jooj when I told her no

Thank heavens it wasn't windy or we would be toast. Literally.

A Jooj First!

Jooj said her first real sentence (by real I mean that she chose different words and put them together herself, not just parroted a sentence like it was all one word put together) today!

She crashed my private bathroom time, closed the door, turned off the light, and announced:

"Mami, es Dark!"

Then my literal princess left me in the dark to finish up.

As a side note, please keep W in your prayers--Army is holding him hostage and has decided that until everyone gets their act together they will not be allowed to come home until some time in September. As opposed to Friday.

What's a Girl to Do?

We (me and Jooj ) have been having a rough time of it, lately.
The family is down to one car, and with W leaving us in December, I don't see the point in purchasing an extra set of wheels only to have them rot for fifteen months. Normally Jooj and I don't leave the house much, so it is not a big deal. Normally we play around, watch tv, sit in the "Cool" which is Jooj-speak for the kiddie pool we bought, and go on walks to the park a few blocks away.
But normally it is not 103 degrees with 65 % humidity, which renders the swamp cooler unusable.
And normally W comes home by 7 pm to help us out. But he has not been here before ten in weeks. Last night was midnight. There were some 3 AMs a while back (could have been last week, can't keep track of days anymore), and an all-day Saturday affair.
The result of this is that Mami is exhausted all of the time, and Jooj is absolutely stir-crazy because we don't leave the house. (Which at 95 degrees is cooler than the outside, still.)
My solution today has been to make some brownies (early in the morning so it wasn't contributing to the heat) Jooj's solution today is to hit the dog with a device she made out of a string and a block.
Any other ideas?

Happy Summer