Holiday Gift Guide 2012: For People Who Spend Too Much Time on Pinterest

Hey, y'all!  There are only a few days left until Christmas, but I know you haven't finished all of your shopping.  And so the guides continue.  (Unless I get sick again, in which case stop at the Sev and grab some beef sticks.)


Today's guide is for those lovely ladies in your life who spend A LOT of their time online.  You know the ones I am talking about.  They pin and pin and pin, but never actually sew.  Fear not, loyal readers--I have got some gift tips for you.

A Pallet
Pinterest Beezies be loving the pallet crap crafts.  You can make so many things with these termite-filled, splintery, shadily-aquired bits of lumber.  Like a splintery end table!  Or a splintery couch!  Or a splintery sign that says "All Because Two People Fell In Love!"  Or, my personal favorite, a splintery wall that you have to vacuum:

Really, though, *YOU* don't have to make anything with this gift--just .present your lady friend with a pallet.  She will know what to do.  (Maybe attach some tweezers and Neosporin as package ties.)

 Chickens
I understand that eggs are delicious.  But in no world is keeping neighborhood chickens fun.  UNLESS YOU ARE ON PINTEREST.  So bring your pin-crazy aunt some chicken wire and an egg.  She will undoubtedly know how to grow it and prune it and whatever.  Because Pinterest will tell her.

An Old Sock and Some Creme Rinse (Handmade)

Just put it in a nice bag.  She will instictively know that she is to wrap her hair up with the sock to create AMAZING curls that are LIFE CHANGING. 

Dangerous Quiet Toys For Special Snowflakes

 Does your Pin Princess have children?  How about gifting her supplies to make stuff for her "kidlets" that might choke them and will definitely make her bleed when she steps on it at night.  This one is super Eco-friendly, as all you need is junk from your trashcan. 

Skinny Jeans and Super Expensive Chunky Knits.  

Sure, they won't fit her, and won't look good AT ALL, but she will know you understand her "Style."

Mac lipstick in Twig.  

Seriously, though, this one is a good pin.  

Vinegar

Yes, Pinterest, there are Thousands and Thousands of Uses for Vinegar.  All of which you will tell us about Right Now!

 

Whatever you choose to give your Social Media Sister, don't forget  to hand-make your wrapping paper, card, and bow, preferably out of some sort of "re-purposed" vintage thing.  And be sure to attach some cake pops stuffed with bacon and glazed in cookie dough--she will know you really care!

2012 Holiday Guide: Gifts for Your Wife

Today's gift guide focuses on the most important person in our homes--the wife.  Specifically the wife who lives in my house.  Maybe this guide could be forwarded on to someone you know?  A tall soldier, maybe?

Silhouette 
The wife may not know what she will do with this, but she KNOWS SHE NEEDS IT SO SO SO BAD.

An additional mixing bowl
If the wife in your house observes the Holy Tradition of Waffle Fridays, an additional mixing bowl for her Kitchenaid Professional HD mixer would be really handy.  You could also throw in an ice cream maker attachment.  


A Trader Joe's Gift Card and a Full Tank of Gas and No Children in the Car
Sometimes the closest TJ's is 2 hours away.  And sometimes she is out of delicious things.  And wants to hear no whining.

A Picasso or a Garfunkel

Remember that time she saw this Kershisnik for the first time and felt compelled to purchase it, but talked herself out of it because it was a few thousand dollars and that seemed superficial and didn't buy it and still thinks about it, like, ten years later?  You could save up for an original.  She would wait until the children were grown.  But in the meantime, how about a print?  (Or a postcard.  She knows y'all are broke).
And if you wanted to make her feel like you were super spiritchal you could go with a LE print from J Kirk Richards, another of her favorites:

Gift Cards 
So you put the giving off, and UPS is not going to get here in time, never fear:  She likes cash and cards.  Maybe get a sitter and go with her to an after-Christmas sale at a fancy store.  Buy her something.  But do yourself a favor and write down the plan and wrap it around a toblerone and stick it under the tree.  So it looks like it was on purpose.  Because WE know it was, but Christmas morning she sometimes forgets that you are busy 364 days of the year.  Just saying.

Hope this helps!

2012 Holiday Guide: Gifts for Borderline Agoraphobics

Sometimes people don't ever leave the house. Hypothetically. Maybe because their meds don't work, or maybe because they have two toddlers. Maybe a little of both. Those people want gifts, too. Gifts they can take to bed with them while they sleep for eighteen hours.

Kindle and ebooks
 Just because one happens to spend a lot of time in bed does not mean one is always sleeping. And lots of books are hard to sleep around. Maybe a Paperwhite and some book downloads--I recommend The Bloggess' Let's Pretend This Never Happened. Maybe your crazy loved one will find some comfort. Under no circumstances should you gift them any Sylvia Plath.

 Toms 
 She may not leave the house, but her feet will be cute and comfy. And if she DOES go outside, Toms will suggest to people at Wal Mart that she is a hipster, and smelly on purpose. I like these ones because the math suggests "eccentric genius," not "unkempt."

 Really Soft Towels
This is just a good gift for anyone you know. Everyone wants a soft towel. Spray it with some Gain Febreeze for an extra bonus.

Game Downloads 
 Hypothetically, your generalized anxiety disorder sufferer may spend a lot of time trying to turn off the panic/sadness. Stupid video games may, hypothetically, do this. Big Fish Games has credits for gifting. (Do not give facebook credits, because then you will have to unfriend them after thousands of status updates about milking and farming and mining and gemming.)

Pebble Ice from Sonic.
Best friends give each other giant bags of pebble ice.   It is much harder to be sad with delicious pebble ice.  And when they have to take a ton of meds, a refreshingly cool glass of water says "I am thinking of you and your crazy."

 Buster Makeout Sessions
These pretty much make everything better, even crippling panic and depression. Luckily he is pretty cheap--he trades besos for ipad time.

Cash
Because being sad is sad, but being poor and sad is just  awful.

2012 Holiday Gift Guide: Nerds and Dudes

I like telling people what to buy other people.  I think of it as a gifty Karma, and hope that someone buys me stuff later on.  So for the next little bit? Gift guides. 

Today's gifts are for the nerds in your life.  And the dudes.  They may be different, but in my house they are the same.

Loot Crate $20/month
A grab-bag subscription service for nerds.  W has one and every month he giggles like a schoolgirl when he opens it.  And says things like "Yes!  More caffeinated gum!"  One time he got his new signature scent, Iron Man Cologne.  I wish I were making this up.

His Other Timepiece




Word on the street is that ballers wear Invicta.  I don't even know. 

 Slightly Obscure, Goofy T-Shirts
 Does your dude/nerd want random stranger dude/nerds to approach him and say "Nice shirt, dude" when he goes out in public?  Then you need to visit shirtwoot.
 Ones that get the most attention out here?  Drunk Cookie and  Bazinga,   Our Target also has some nice Arrested Development and Saved By The Bell ones.  Not just any goofy shirt will do, however; the key is the slightly obscure nature.  The wearer should project the following statement: "Yeah, I follow Wil Wheaton on Twitter, but I was following him WAY before he was on Big Bang."

Dress Shoes  He Did Not Own in College
You know what I am talking about.  Update those bad boys.

A nice French-Cuffed shirt and some slightly obscure, goofy cufflinks.

I like these ones a lot, and you can have them personalized with a name or dirty word.  (I'd go with dirty.)  If he doesn't read binary (you are so, so lucky) there are some fun ones at Think Geek, or just browse around Etsy.

But your nerd is a lady, you say?  Never fear:  I've got you covered.

A Tiara

Holy Crapballs, it's Time to Spend Money!

**Jooj has recently started saying "Holy Crapballs!"  I honestly don't know where she got it, but it sure is catching.

For the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can give these urchins a magical Christmas.

Welp, it's that time of year--the time when we pull out our Christmas Club savings from which we have dutifully stashed away at least $100 a month, so that our families can have a truly magical season of receiving. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yeah, we used our "Christmas Club" on car repairs/house repairs/car repairs and car repairs, too.  Our mechanic is getting a boat this year.

I'm not going to lie, 2012 is tight for almost everyone I know.  And it makes me sad, because that means almost everyone I know is not going to get me anything for Christmas.  (Also it makes me sad for their children, but not as much.) 

Last year I posted about how I save money for Christmas, and I am doing the same things this year, too--Swagbucks (at least $50 in Amazon cards so far!), paid surveys (don't laugh, almost $80 in measly $3 checks this year!), and homemade meth (I save money by cutting it with homemade laundry soap!).

How do you save money for holiday spending?  Past January?  What tips and tricks can you share?

Last year's Christmas Giving posts are  here, here, and here.