all i am i owe to my Angel Mother

Twenty years ago today, a woman that I don't know gave birth to an infant, whom she would give away to an orphanage. I don't know if it was forced, if she was living or dead, or if there was scandal or shame. Maybe there was hope in that action, perhaps the dream of a better life for her baby girl; I am sure that there was sorrow.

Nine months later that baby girl was brought to America by a mother who knew that there was a spot in her family for a tremendous little girl. She loved and nurtured her, and raised her to be everything that she imagined that anonymous mother would have wanted.

A little more than eighteen years later, that baby girl, no longer an orphan, but a cherished daughter, gave birth to a baby girl, whom she would also give away. There was tremendous sorrow, but also a little hope.

That baby girl, now a cherished daughter herself, has been told a simple version of this story, and will pass it down to her daughters, one day.

From an unknown mother, to a loving birth-grandmother, to an Angel Birth Mother, to me.

I wish that I could personally pay respect to all of the women that were involved in making me a mother--this vast chain of caring, hoping, and sacrifice stretches far further than I can see, and is everything good and virtuous about true womanhood.

I wish I could hold that first mother, whomever she was, and assure her that her daughter would be fine, and that her granddaughter would be fine. I wish that I could give her some small comfort in knowing that her sacrifice was the answer to an immediate prayer, and would be the answer to my prayers, eighteen years later.

I wish I could hold her daughter tonight, even though she would rather be holding her daughter, and tell her that I love her like she is my sister, and that she is my friend, my miracle worker.

And in a few years, Jooj will understand better, and I think that January 20 will become a very special day for her, too.

So Happy Birthday Mommy! We all owe everything to you!

21 months--how many until college?

I didn't write a Christmas letter for many reasons. Number one, I have done next to nothing this year, and can only report that I have taken a shower more often than not. Number two, I am lazy. Number three, as I started to describe Jooj W interrupted me and said, "She likes shiny things to wear, saying 'woojahwoojahwoojaah' and to wash dishes. What is she--a raccoon?"

I like the coat below because it makes her look like a Jersey Girl.

Woojah Woojah Woojah.

Ten years ago today

I made the best decision of my life.

The Aging of a Daydream

When I was in high school I would think about how, if I could time-travel, I would love to go back to the forties and fifties and purchase Givenchy and Chanel, and stock up on all of my fashion needs.

When I was newly married I would think about how, if I could time-travel, I would love to go back to the forties and fifties and purchase land and land and land and land and have my own wilderness which I would then sell to Walt Disney for a kajillion dollars.

Yesterday I thought about how, if I could time-travel, I would love to go back to the forties and fifties and be able to leave my kid asleep in the car for TWO minutes so that I could run into the UPS store to drop off a package without being a bad mommy.

Let's get down to the Nitty Gritty

Some items of business:

1. W's brother, Patrick Star, has a new business that I want to let you all know about. It is called Amway.

Did you just wet yourself a little?

Actually, it is neither multied-or leveled, and is a search-engine for deals:

Dealosaurus

They post all sorts of new shopping deals all of the time, and it is pretty good. He tends to have the scoop on a regular basis. I will be putting it in my links when I figure out the new "easier" beta, but check it out before then.

2. Do you have the Sufjan Steven's Christmas Album? Why not? Is it because you hate Santa and the little drummer boy?

3. We just received word that we will be moving no later than August for Georgia (no relation) and then somewhere unknown six months after that. I am currently accepting suggestions. Provo is dead out. (Not because I wouldn't, but because ARMY wouldn't.) Currently atop W's list are: Ft. Carson, CO; Ft. Lewis, WA; and Ft. Drum, NY. My list includes: Italy, Germany, and Provo. You can see how I am not going to get my say in this AT ALL.

If you could move anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Reasons I received the stink eye today

1. Took matches away from daughter (who got them from the very back of a cabinet one head above her)

2. Took green bean can away from her and put it in the trash.

3. Took green bean can away from her and put it back in the trash.

4. Removed her tongue (Not making this up) from inside dog's mouth

5. Removed her hand from stove knobs

6. Took green bean can away from her after she filled it with water from the dogs' bowl and poured it over her head.

I am a true patriot

I love to vote. I come from a long line of voters, including my grandmother who was a poll worker. She has an autographed picture of El Presidente W thanking her for her hard work. It is in a frame on her TV stand next to pictures of Jooj. And my brother James. None of me. Because I am not a kid anymore. And am no longer cute.

Anyways, I always vote on election day. I never do absentee or early voting, because I think that it is not as patriotic. I like to think that I am the one that the commercials (which I don't watch because I Tivo over them, but they don't know that) are speaking to. "La Yen--we need your vote! Absentee and early election results are showing that your vote is critical to save the future of _____."

Unfortunately, I have never lived in an area where my vote actually counted for anything. In Utah, come on. No one national cares about Utah. They have a hay-penny's worth of electoral votes, and Orrin Hatch writes songs about Hannukah (Channukkah?) in his off time. But I voted there anyway. At 7 am at Sunset View Elementary, the place where I volunteered to volunteer and they ignored me. Because they were doing just fine without a Masters Candidate to come in and read to the classes. Or file papers. Or whatever. Without pay. They didn't even know where the volunteer forms were. Because they were that on top of things. I got my sticker and wore it to work, all day, where people asked me how I got that sticker.

But Texas--TEXAS! That is a big state! Don't mess with it! Manly Men come from Texas, and we are to be wooed!
Except for EP.

As you may know, Texas is a pretty Red state. (Red is for Republicans, right? I know that they messed with the colors last time. It was highly confusing.) We like guns, ammo, steers, oil, and everything that JR Ewing stood for. Even our Blue candidates were for concealed handguns in order to shoot illegal aliens as they hung from our fence.
Not El Paso. We are all Blue here. (Actually, we are Red-Green-and White. But we show up with blue.) No Red judges, reps, anyone. So mainland Texas pretty much ignores us. Drat.

But I voted, anyway. We had an important election to decide for governor--Old guy with really bad ideas vs. wimpy challenger vs. Crazy grandmother who referred to herself in the third person vs. Kinky, who was backed by Gov. Ventura-with-a-mullet.
(Old guy won. Go figure.) We also had our local offices to decide, which was important, since almost every candidate was exactly the same and wanted to raise our property taxes again. Because my mortgage payment is nearly half property taxes. It was Guy from Mexico who promised to remember he was from Mexico vs. Guy from EP who promised to remember his Mexican ties, vs. Red lady who was never going to win, but who was also from Mexico, vs. Guy with crazy name who loved Mexico, but EP was his home, even though his heart was in Mexico. BIG ISSUES!

So, at 6 pm I set out for the polling place, only to find that all of the little polling places that had been there all week were closed, because on election day you can only vote at the precinct. I don't know where the precinct is. Because I have never voted in Texas. So I drove around some more, and found it--the elementary school.

I got in a line of about 90 people, and was immediately harangued by illegal campaign workers distributing flyers. In line to vote.
And then I heard the yelling!
"What do you mean I can't vote! I know my rights! You are denying my right to vote! I am calling the news station!"
Apparently the line was getting really really really long, and a poll worker had decided that she (it's always she, isn't it, at the polling stations?) would take matters into her own hands. She decided that there were plenty of people voting, and cut off the line.
Except that it is illegal. Like the campaigning flyer stuffers.
So I got all excited, because I was going to be on the news, maybe with Estella Casas! (Say it fast--EstellaCasas!)
But then the precinct head came out and told the well-wisher that she was completely wrong, and that anyone standing in line by 7 pm could vote. Scandal resolved. Drat.

So I got in, and found the TOUCH SCREEN COMPUTERS. OOOH. Except that there were only five of them. For an entire precinct. Drat.

So an hour later, I voted. Who I voted for did not matter, because none of them won. Most were running unopposed. Drat.