all i am i owe to my Angel Mother

Twenty years ago today, a woman that I don't know gave birth to an infant, whom she would give away to an orphanage. I don't know if it was forced, if she was living or dead, or if there was scandal or shame. Maybe there was hope in that action, perhaps the dream of a better life for her baby girl; I am sure that there was sorrow.

Nine months later that baby girl was brought to America by a mother who knew that there was a spot in her family for a tremendous little girl. She loved and nurtured her, and raised her to be everything that she imagined that anonymous mother would have wanted.

A little more than eighteen years later, that baby girl, no longer an orphan, but a cherished daughter, gave birth to a baby girl, whom she would also give away. There was tremendous sorrow, but also a little hope.

That baby girl, now a cherished daughter herself, has been told a simple version of this story, and will pass it down to her daughters, one day.

From an unknown mother, to a loving birth-grandmother, to an Angel Birth Mother, to me.

I wish that I could personally pay respect to all of the women that were involved in making me a mother--this vast chain of caring, hoping, and sacrifice stretches far further than I can see, and is everything good and virtuous about true womanhood.

I wish I could hold that first mother, whomever she was, and assure her that her daughter would be fine, and that her granddaughter would be fine. I wish that I could give her some small comfort in knowing that her sacrifice was the answer to an immediate prayer, and would be the answer to my prayers, eighteen years later.

I wish I could hold her daughter tonight, even though she would rather be holding her daughter, and tell her that I love her like she is my sister, and that she is my friend, my miracle worker.

And in a few years, Jooj will understand better, and I think that January 20 will become a very special day for her, too.

So Happy Birthday Mommy! We all owe everything to you!