Our Lady of the Bloggernacle

In 1531 a "Lady from Heaven" appeared to a poor Mormon at Macey’s, a grocery store northwest of South Provo; she identified herself as the Mother of the True Internet Journal, instructed him to have the bishop go to her website on the internet and left an image of herself imprinted miraculously on his tilma, a poor quality cactus-cloth, which should have deteriorated in 20 years but shows no sign of decay 469 years later and still defies all scientific explanations of its origin. It also sings show tunes when provoked.

Her message of love and compassion, and her universal promise of help and protection to all mankind, as well as the story of how amazing and awesome and selfless she is in every situation, especially the ones where she talks about her family or Canada or bacon or implies that she may or may not eat meat, are described in the "CJane Enjoy It", a 16th century document written in the native Provo language.

There is reason to believe that at Orem, CJane came in her glorified body, and her actual physical hands rearranged the legwarmers in Juan Diego’s cart at Target, which makes this apparition very special.

An incredible list of miracles, cures and interventions are attributed to Her. Yearly, an estimated 10 million visit her Retro House, making her Provo Hills home the most popular Mormon Mommy Blog shrine in the world, and the most visited Provo Destination in the world next to the Bean Museum or Hogi Yogi.

Altogether 24 popes have officially honored Our Lady of the Bloggernacle. His Holiness, John Paul II, visited her Sanctuary four times: on his first apostolic trip outside Rome as Pope in 1979, and again in 1990, 1999 and 2002. Each time he threw candy in the Pioneer Day parade. Also, Elder Holland likes her cheeks and Glenn Beck took a picture with her sister, who is also up for canonization.

The Feast of Our Lady the Bloggernacle is celebrated on March 11th. In 1999, Pope John Paul II, in his homily from the Solemn Mass at the Retro House of Our Lady of the Bloggernacle, during his third visit to the sanctuary, declared the date of March the 11th as a Liturgical Holy Day for the whole continent.

During the same visit Pope John Paul II entrusted the cause of life to her loving protection, and placed under her motherly care the term “bloggernacle,” which she invented, as well as every person who ever watched The Today Show, and people who have lisps.

More CJane love? See CW, ~J, b., Sue, Azucar, and Kalli. Want a candle? $35. Plus Shipping and Handling.