Where do you draw the line for helping out another woman? (Let's make this denominational and say "another sister in your RS?") Meals, house help, whatever you do. What is your limit? Anything less than hospitalization? Out-patient and above? What about elective plastic enhancements? What about non-physical ailments?
Friday, November 28, 2008
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I am very curious... want to email me details? ;-)
Me... maybe not the best example...but if I want to do it...I do it. If I know I don't want to - or will grumble, murmur, piss and moan... I don't do it.
Also... I tend to help out people who don't usually ask for help...
Meals are easy for me. Watching kids is an option IF I like the kids and they are nice to mine. I don't watch kids I don't like...
So did someone get a boob job and wants you to help her pee? I would uh... "if you can't say something nice"... signing off.
Oooh. Good question.
I don't know if I have a hard and fast line. But I would probably have less sympathy for somebody with recovering from "elective plastic enhancements" than say, emergency c-section.
And I don't have kids, so that makes me pretty flexible to come and help people out if they need. Or to take dinner over or tend Man Cubs, or what have you.
When you say "non-physical ailments" . . . grief, depression, etc.? I'm so there for that. As for boob jobs, tummy tucks, whatever - meh. She can hire help for that shiz.
Unless of course someone ASKS me for help. I'm really not good at saying no.
Ugghhh....I struggle with this on a daily basis--what with the calling and all. From the RS pres standpoint, I make sure that the family is doing everything they can to help themselves first (so, yeah, that sister who had 2 teenage daughters and a husband and wanted people to come take care of her and her other 4 kids, and the cooking all day during the summer because she was having back problems--not so keen on that).
Honestly, and I know this sounds cheesy/cliche, I go with the spirit on this. There are times when I feel like we should help someone even though they haven't asked for it, and there are times when they ask for is\t that I have be tough and suggest/help them realize that they are capable of doing that for themselves.
All of the above goes for physical conditions as well as emotional ones.
Dunno, I'd probably help when asked for anything for a friend, but if it is someone I don't know well I'll do it if the RS Pres asks(she knows the situation better than I). I know some days I just need someone to help for my mental well being, and wish someone would show up.
elective enhancements, yeah I'd still help if nothing else because hey, why does someone feel the need to get them in the first place? They probably need support more than anything(just from what I've seen when family members have done it).
Then again, I'd probably be tired and gripe to 007 about it the whole time I was making the dinner though.
This reminds me of one of my favorite poems of all time: Angels of Mercy.
Here's my line: if it interferes too much with my own family or my own health then I won't do it. Thankfully, I've been better at defining where that line lies in the past few years--I've had to.
I will help anyone, even if it's a little questionable in my view (mostly because I've learned I don't always know what the other person is going through and benefits of the doubt are necessary) because it's better that I offer the service. They can be accountable for whether or not it was taking advantage vs. a true need. It's not my business, I'm just supposed to help if I can.
That was a long way of saying:
If I'm asked to help I will do everything in my power to help unless it will be detrimental to my family.
Not very Christian, but for me it depends largely on who it is who needs something. If I like you I will bend over backward (or more appropriately, spend the night at your house with your toddler while you go to the hospital to have your baby). If I don't like you, I will not go to very far lengths. I'll work on this.
I just remembered I took dinner once to a lady who had a tummy tuck - but she had a hysterectomy at the same time. And carpal tunnel surgery.
I have been hesitant to respond because I know I can get a little soap-boxey over this.
I have no line. I just do it. Because I can. And sometimes even when I barely can. At the end of the day I'd rather know I gave when perhaps I needn't have than feel ashamed because I held back something I had left to give.
I'm back. I'm not trying to make anyone angry or upset. I'm trying to help those out there that are uncomfortable following the mentality so pervasive in our church, the competition to be the service guru.
If whatever it is will impact our family negatively... I don't do it and I don't feel guilty. Why should I? Because of what someone might think of me? My priority is my family first. It doesn't do anyone any good if you help someone only to find that now you need help because of that service, etc.
I agree in helping when I can, but I also believe in a good attitude. I like that feeling of the desire to help. The simple desire to do good is more powerful than the grumbling, guilt ridden service act. I think a bad attitude defeats the purpose. We all know ourselves better than anyone... are we doing it because we want to, for other people to see us do it... or for guilt?
A lot of the stress and guilt and what-not most people, and many Mormons deal with is the act of doing things we "think we should". Trying to keep up with all the expectations we think we ought to be living up to does not produce happiness.
I believe that like anything we are to use wisdom in our judgments/decisions of when we will or will not help. It's a responsibility to be wise. I will never pressure anyone to do service when they don't feel inclined to. It's not my place. I always figure it's my own fault if I do something I know I don't want to ...and then am not happy about it.
Don't get me wrong... I love to help...I have just learned there are a lot of people who are more than willing to take a hand-out when they don't need it. The opportunities to help are endless - so guess what... every sign-up sheet that comes around doesn't always have to have your signature on it. There will be another opportunity. Let's not all burn-out.
An example - last year a family with 10 kids in our area was moving into a custom-built, multi-million dollar home. The kids are all teens except for a few middle school kids. The RS president at the time (we have a new, wiser one now - thank heavens) sent out an email to ask us to go help her clean her house so she could move in. This email included her own email asking for members to help.
The RS email told us young mothers to trade babysitting to help clean/dust this brand new house...
There are some people in this world that are happy to let people do things for them. There are others of us who would have to be hog-tied to let people do things for us.
I would rather do the cleaning myself, or pay some nice cleaning ladies to do it, rather than inconvenience a multitude of people in the ward... who might need some help cleaning in their houses too.
Sometimes, I think those people who always ask for help, even when they don't need it, when they take it for granted... yeah ...I think they ought to feel what it's like not to have any help. Maybe then they'll learn a lesson they need to...and not always be bailed out. Then again... our society is in the mood for constant bailouts these days.
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