Dear big fat man in the store,
Congratulations! Your three-inch chin piercing distracted me from noticing that you were big and fat! For about 30 seconds.
Dear disapproving old lady,
My child is crying because I am disciplining her. Because we have talked about how she needs to sit down if she wants to sit in the basket. She knows this. She is testing me. Do not give me dirty looks because my kid is throwing a fit. Better a fit now than burning your house down in ten years. Suck it.
Dear "cool" guy wearing Palazzo pants while walking around my neighborhood,
Palazzo pants are not even in style for women. So even if you were a woman, which you are not, you would not be cool.
Dear couple visiting from Lesbia,
Live however you want to live, but for the love of everything good and decent, walk faster or move out of the way!
Dear Jooj,
Thanks for bearing with me while we ran a ridiculous amount of errands. I am glad we are still friends. You are great.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
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3 comments:
Does this mean I have to throw away my palazzo pants?
May I add one?
Dear tall, incredibly handsome server with the amazingly sexy voice at Ottavio's (could melt rocks, I tell you),
I do not care how hot you are, if you bring my friend two refills on her Coke and fail to refill my water glass even once I am not leaving you a generous tip. In fact, I'm doing the math deliberately in order to leave a tip that's obviously just shy of the standard 15%. Come to think of it, I'm not even so inclined to dine at Ottavio's again.
I HATE Ottavios. How long does it take to bring me Penne with Marinara? 45 minutes. I will never eat again. Also I hate the opera singers.
And Az, you can wear whatever you want.
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