I have a medal. I got it from Army. While I wish it was for sand racing, it is for exceptional service rendered to military families who had a father or mother deployed to Iraq. Apparently it is a pretty big deal to get. I can wear it wherever I go--the little stripey pin, or the big honko dangly medal. I say this, not to brag, but to set the framework.
A few weeks back, I had a run-in with the power family in my ward. The one that starts and maintains the cliques, and is pretty much the "face" of the ward. I had thought that we were friends--except for they never came to anything we invited them to, never reciprocated Christmas cards or birthday presents, and only invited us to events where we would bring something--but I made a mistake, apologized, and they will not let it go.
Although the phrase "we really want to put this in the past because we love you guys" was said many times, they actually do not want to put it in the past. I know this because when I apologized--which was really hard to do, because I didn't think that I was completely in the wrong--they neither accepted my apology, nor attempted to apologize on their part. I was told "Don't take this the wrong way but..." and "Your problem is..." and "Everyone thinks so." (FYI, my problem is that I am too friendly and familliar, treating people like family, and their children as though I was their aunt. "You act like you are everyone's SISTER.") Needless to say, I was really really hurt. I took these "constructive" criticisms very seriously and had a little breakdown. Then, a few days later, I received a THREE page letter in the mail, detailing exactly what my problem was again, in case I had forgotten. Luckily, W intercepted it and threw it in the trash before I read it. And here is what he said:
"You have a medal. From the United States of America. For loving families. You would not question the bravery of a soldier who earned a bronze star, or the injury of a soldier who earned a purple heart, so do not question that you love families. They do not have any medals. You do. You are THAT good at showing love to families. And it is their loss, because you have a medal, and they are not going to get any love from you. And your love is worthy of a medal. So I want you to wear it anytime you are going to be around them, and hold your head up. Because you love people: you love serving them, helping them, and loving them. And the US government knows it to be true. And anyone who disagrees is a Communist."
And that, in a nutshell, is why I married that man.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Next week, Hero Squad.
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25 comments:
I hope you don't mind a little bit of profanity on your blog. These people you are talking 'bout are assholes.
Of course, I'd say that about anyone who would "detail" out what "your problem is" and not once look at themselves first. Who does that? Assholes, that's who.
And I'm sure they're wonderful people, etc., but really.... Who doesn't accept a sincere apology? Assholes, that's who.
"Everyone thinks so." Yeah, sure they do. Who tells someone what their "problem is" and then uses that kinda statement as backup or justification? Assholes, that's who.
And you're clearly a better, stronger, more caring person than they'll ever be.
You know, I've been told that that's my "problem," too. Frankly, I think if more people were like us (treating people like family, being friendly and familiar, etc.), the world would be a much better place.
I don't know what went down exactly in your yard, but it doesn't sound like you were completey in the wrong (perhaps a case of "delivery" rather than "reason?"). Either way, I'm still reeling that they didn't accept your apology, especially since it was obviously sincere.
I think, next time you see them, you should remind them that even God forgives. :-) I've used that line before, and it may actually make them take a second to think about how they're acting.
Uhhh....people can be so.... I don't even have a word.
I wish I knew more people like you--loving and accepting of others....willing to be my sister (there are those of us who need the La Yens of the world).
And hurray for Waldo!
I am speechless...
Wait, it came back. Can I call them? Please? Pretty please? I cannot BELIEVE they had the nerve to do that to you. YOU.
Have they NEVER heard of beams and motes? I guess that's the problem with having both a beam in your eye and up your ass.
I love Waldo. I'm proud to be your sister-wife.
Wait a minute. EYE want to be your sister-wife too. Then we could all gang up on them and rub their noses in it. Kill them with kindness, I say. And, the other thing I say, Good Karma = Good Karma.
I. love. you.
I love that man for saying that to you and I have never met either of you. And of course I loved you even before I knew you had a medal. (I think this might be the love version of the Kevin Bacon game--I love you because you love ~j and I love ~j...or something like that anyway.)
Because I am trying to grow up and be a kind blogger I will keep my mouth shut about what I think about those people.
Except to say I thought Communism was so last century already.
p.s. I also love the new look on your blog. I almost want to say "Oops!" out loud every time I look at your girlz. You know, in a Marilyn Monroe kind of way.
Whoah--This was supposed to be a paean to W! I was not trying to make everyone hate these people, even though I am secretly pleased that you do, so that was an added bonus.
Zen--Thanks for your definitions. I love them. And I was in the wrong--way out of line. But I didn't kill anyone or molest a dog or anything.
Cabesh--I will totally be your sister, but since you live far away, it will be like I am with MY sister--hardly any calling. Because we are that lazy. And tired.
Sug--there is a reason I didn't tell you this when it was fresh. It is wonderful to have someone who will get all up in someone's biz-nash on my side. (W will, but then we will have to visit him in prison.)
Ditto to Red--especially if by kindness you mean "ignore them completely and be a little afraid."
~J--You are.
CW--Thanks for noticing! I love the pinups, because they are so SCANDALOUS! "I was hanging out my laundry and OOPS! my top fell off! How SCANDALOUS!" I am glad you like them and don't think I am a pervert. Did you know that Pee Wee had all of his trouble over pinups? Thanks for loving me from afar.
I always wait to see what the new pin up will be (and I LOOOOVEEE the color).
People are crazy. Put it on a t-shirt, cross stich it on a pillow or just shout if from the roof tops. I stopped trying to understand WHY crazy people do the things they do. CRAZY.
I don't often see behaviour like this in people older than about 12. I am sure that their childre are a TREAT in middle school. Who writes a letter like that? What makes them so snarky is the fact that no one gets a letter like that and thinks "wow, you are right, I am (whatever they said you were)". The only possible outcome for that letter is to make you feel bad and by couching it in a way that is supposed to "help" you, they are just being bastards. :-)
Sorry for the language but people like that just are.
Waldo, however is wonderful. And that Jooj is getting so BIG and SO PRETTY!!!
I love that W gave you a medal. What aperfect way to show his affection, devotion and support. You deserve it!
Their loss, Your gain, I say.
I have this urge to bring them dinner with a nice cocktail of laxative laced into it...
Bravo on W - that's awesome he intercepted the lame letter and gave you an award to boot. Will we get to see the award via pic???
And... love the pinup photos too - I imagine we can all look like them if we want to - back when curves were in. ;-) Can't help but love being girly.
ps. We should take pics with our girls in our sock monkey pics and post 'em for Christmas. ;-)
I'm sorry, I did get kinda sidetracked from the focus of your post! Kudos to your husband for being so supoprtive and loving. Please ask him to tell the other good men to come out of hiding. :-P
Those people are still assholes. /wink. Though, now you've got me all curious about "the incident" that incited the whole thing!
Hey, it's waldo. Let me just say that I didn't give her the award (although I would have, because she deserves it). The actual Army gave her the award. I've been in the Army 10 years and only ever seen two of those given out. Soldiers don't even get them. They are only given to civilians who have rendered outstanding service to military families. You have to be pretty freakin' awesome to get one of those. It's on Department of the Army letterhead and signed by a Colonel and everything. That's how cool my wife is. And anyone who doesn't think so is a communist.
P.S. Communism was old, but now it's new again. Just ask Hugo Chavez.
Yen if it's one thing I learned from you and W over the years I've disappeared and reappeared in your lives it's the simple truth that people everywhere suck !
That's right and the difficulty for us is just trying to put up with them in their suckiness, and not letting their suckiness drag us down. So here's to not sucking!
Boooo commnunists! YAY La Yen's of the world!!!!!!!
I think you need to bear your testimony about this experience. You know, "I'm so grateful for a loving husband who helps me through these trials of dealing with idiotic people in our ward. And I'm grateful that he reminds me about my medal of honor from the Army. It helps me remember what a kind, service rendering, woman of God I am." -- Make sure your wearing your medal that day. The big honko dangly one. Shine it up beforehand.
P.S. Keep being MY sister! Some of us actually appreciate warm, caring, generous people like yourself!!!
Thanks for the love. And WELCOME TO STU AND CAROLYN!!! (Otherwise known as Hobbit Waldo and his Incredibly Long-Suffering wife.)
And, here is what I did. Please still like me after you read this:
Their four-year old put her hand on Jooj's 20-month-old fore-head and pushed her, onto her back and head, onto the asphalt. And then looked at me, got in the car, and shut the door in my face. I went absolutely ape. I yelled "No, Ma'am, you apologize" and banged on the car door, trying to pry it open, while holding my inconsolable toddler. I know that I should not have yelled at a child, and it is the first and last time, hopefully. The father pulled me away and said "I'll handle my children" to which I yelled "Then handle YOUR daughter who just pushed MY daughter onto the asphalt on purpose!" and sobbed away to the car. I was totally out of line, but am proud of myself for jumping to my kid's defense. I now know that I will totally fight for her all the way, which is kind of empowering. When I apologized I got the lecture, and no "We talked to our daughter about it, and she knows that she can't blah blah blah." (So, I am taking from this that their kids are not able to be around kids without hurting them, and that the parents are teaching them to be bullies. By example.)
So, trying to turn the other cheek, just not wanting my kid to get bitch-slapped.
Do you still think I should get a stuffed seal for sand racing?
Umm...have you ever fed a baby bear in the woods? Momma Grizzly will still eat you, even though her cub had a good time.
I think these people are still...assholes. I may have thought differently if you had HIT their child, but your child could have been _seriously_ injured.
I will now share a story from my childhood which may help you feel better: When I was in 3rd grade, I was playing in the park while my sister and mother were doing something (Lord knows what). I met some boy who wanted to play catch with this orange that had fallen on the ground. I'm sure you remember how "athletic" I am; needless to say, he threw the orange at me and I missed catching it. He then proceeded to ATTACK me, literally, choking me and trying to push me into the lake. I couldn't even breath to yell. And the next thing I knew, my mother had RIPPED that brat off me and tossed him aside. Then his mom came, and that's a whole OTHER story (park security got involved, etc.), which I won't get into here.
Anyway, my point is that you see your SMALL, defenseless child get hurt, and what else are you going to do? I think maybe you're looking at this wrong. "It takes a village to raise a child," or whatever the eff'n saying is, and obviously these...people (ahem)...aren't really doing a good job (I agree with your assessment of their "parenting" abilities). I think this is nothing more than an extension of your helping others. You're helping them raise decent children! :-P
Ok, so I may be stretching that a bit, but not much. Maybe you should ask yourself what your reaction would have been if the situation was reversed? Had you seen your child do that to someone else's, I think you would have also been yelling, but at your own child to apologize, and you would have been very attentive and caring for the child who was hurt, right?
You're a good mother and a good person, and they're still (even bigger) assholes, moreso than before because they didn't have their brat apologize, and they haven't shown any sympathy for you as a new mother.
Wordy-boy out. :-P
And I just re-read your original post. I'm totally right. "Your problem is that you're too friendly and familiar...[you are] treating people like family, and their children as though I was their aunt." Uh...yeah! An aunt would have yelled at her brat for locking her out of the car and pushing some kid like that. And then she would have yelled at her sister for not admonishing her own child and raising such an ill-tempered child.
So, they did get one thing right (still assholes, though). That IS your problem, and you should be proud of it. :-)
I am not a hobbit waldo...more of a dwarf really.
So...how does defending your own child turn into you're being too friendly and therefore offensive? I don't get it. If one of my children had done that, I would be the one feeling embarrassed and apologetic. And what's with the FOUR-PAGE letter?!?!? That is just asinine. And ridiculous. You shouldn't have apologized for being a good mom.
And Waldo is awesome. You married the right guy for you. Wear that medal with pride.
oh la yen~
i'm lucky to have you in my life and i never see you or talk to you. but i know i can because of the love you've shown me as well as my family in the short time we've spent together. people are dumb. they will regret turning away your love.
i love you.
I wonder what kind of letter J would have gotten from the guy he told to effin stop his kid from effin with El Guille at the park a couple months ago...
SomePingPeople--I like how you did not argue about my description of your esposa. I thought hobbits were taller, and hairier. Hence my description.
Beaner--back at you. And I wish you had a blog wherein you posted all of the things people told you at the hospital intake desk.
Julie--Thanks! Grinches all around us, I tell you. I just read a book called "Don't get Scrooged" and it had a chapter called "I understand that you are mad, but why are you SO mad?" I wanted to frame it.
Lady Marmelade: He would not have received a letter, because the guy probably was a normal man and thought "Yeah, my kid is an effing effer today. I wish I were not having to take him to the park. Where is his mother?" and shrugged it off.
I still like you
~j says i should start one just about my experiences living in florida. i'm working on it.
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