I am a true patriot

I love to vote. I come from a long line of voters, including my grandmother who was a poll worker. She has an autographed picture of El Presidente W thanking her for her hard work. It is in a frame on her TV stand next to pictures of Jooj. And my brother James. None of me. Because I am not a kid anymore. And am no longer cute.

Anyways, I always vote on election day. I never do absentee or early voting, because I think that it is not as patriotic. I like to think that I am the one that the commercials (which I don't watch because I Tivo over them, but they don't know that) are speaking to. "La Yen--we need your vote! Absentee and early election results are showing that your vote is critical to save the future of _____."

Unfortunately, I have never lived in an area where my vote actually counted for anything. In Utah, come on. No one national cares about Utah. They have a hay-penny's worth of electoral votes, and Orrin Hatch writes songs about Hannukah (Channukkah?) in his off time. But I voted there anyway. At 7 am at Sunset View Elementary, the place where I volunteered to volunteer and they ignored me. Because they were doing just fine without a Masters Candidate to come in and read to the classes. Or file papers. Or whatever. Without pay. They didn't even know where the volunteer forms were. Because they were that on top of things. I got my sticker and wore it to work, all day, where people asked me how I got that sticker.

But Texas--TEXAS! That is a big state! Don't mess with it! Manly Men come from Texas, and we are to be wooed!
Except for EP.

As you may know, Texas is a pretty Red state. (Red is for Republicans, right? I know that they messed with the colors last time. It was highly confusing.) We like guns, ammo, steers, oil, and everything that JR Ewing stood for. Even our Blue candidates were for concealed handguns in order to shoot illegal aliens as they hung from our fence.
Not El Paso. We are all Blue here. (Actually, we are Red-Green-and White. But we show up with blue.) No Red judges, reps, anyone. So mainland Texas pretty much ignores us. Drat.

But I voted, anyway. We had an important election to decide for governor--Old guy with really bad ideas vs. wimpy challenger vs. Crazy grandmother who referred to herself in the third person vs. Kinky, who was backed by Gov. Ventura-with-a-mullet.
(Old guy won. Go figure.) We also had our local offices to decide, which was important, since almost every candidate was exactly the same and wanted to raise our property taxes again. Because my mortgage payment is nearly half property taxes. It was Guy from Mexico who promised to remember he was from Mexico vs. Guy from EP who promised to remember his Mexican ties, vs. Red lady who was never going to win, but who was also from Mexico, vs. Guy with crazy name who loved Mexico, but EP was his home, even though his heart was in Mexico. BIG ISSUES!

So, at 6 pm I set out for the polling place, only to find that all of the little polling places that had been there all week were closed, because on election day you can only vote at the precinct. I don't know where the precinct is. Because I have never voted in Texas. So I drove around some more, and found it--the elementary school.

I got in a line of about 90 people, and was immediately harangued by illegal campaign workers distributing flyers. In line to vote.
And then I heard the yelling!
"What do you mean I can't vote! I know my rights! You are denying my right to vote! I am calling the news station!"
Apparently the line was getting really really really long, and a poll worker had decided that she (it's always she, isn't it, at the polling stations?) would take matters into her own hands. She decided that there were plenty of people voting, and cut off the line.
Except that it is illegal. Like the campaigning flyer stuffers.
So I got all excited, because I was going to be on the news, maybe with Estella Casas! (Say it fast--EstellaCasas!)
But then the precinct head came out and told the well-wisher that she was completely wrong, and that anyone standing in line by 7 pm could vote. Scandal resolved. Drat.

So I got in, and found the TOUCH SCREEN COMPUTERS. OOOH. Except that there were only five of them. For an entire precinct. Drat.

So an hour later, I voted. Who I voted for did not matter, because none of them won. Most were running unopposed. Drat.