So, I have been getting really really tired at everything that we are going through. All of us. I am sick of it. Sick and tired.
I know that you labies out there are not gripers, and that you are so brave and trying to be positive, and so I am just going to speak out for the rest of you--if it is not too presump-chus.
Have you been a woman, lately? It is tough to be us, and it seems like other women are making it more difficult for us.
I need women to step up and remember who they are. I am tired of seeing women apologize for their divine roles and talents. For example, I need women to stop getting all defensive in my behalf when I say that I don't work. "But you do work! You have the most important job of all! You work inside the home!"
Bite me.
I don't work--I get to be a mommy. Yes, some days it is a trial, and some days the kid barely escapes with her life, but it is not a job. It is not a chore. I get no immediate feedback from peers, and no holiday bonus. No one takes me out to lunch on an expense account, and no one flirts with me. It is not working. It is a divine calling. And when I did not have this calling, I worked outside the home and had to endure people wondering when I was going to listen to the prophet and become a mommy.
No one ever says "How are you doing at becoming a better daughter of God? How are you doing with becoming a woman? Is your job helping you remember your divinity? Is your child helping you remember your divinity? Because it is okay if your job helps you become divine, and your children don't. Because I want you to be as exalted as you can be, because you are my sister and you are fine by me."
I need women to stop competing with each other. I am bad at this, and I know that you are, too. For example, there is one blogger, Chloris Joanne, who is fabulous, and artsy and skinny and gorgeous and gets to visit exotic places. I need to stop feeling inferior to her, because there is no point to it. Much of my day is spent thinking "Man, I wish I was as good as Chloris at writing/art/looking/feeling the spirit." I have spent a lot of my life feeling inferior to someone else, and I know that you have, too. (If you haven't, then you are amazing and I will now compare myself to you.) Why can't we just approach those we are in awe of and ask them how they got to be so amazing?
Chloris, how do you consistently find the beauty in everything around you? Robot Donkey, how do you make friends with everyone? Valentine, how are you so freaking hot? Sugar, how do you stay so smart? CW, how is it that you are loved by so many amazing women? Sistah, how are you so consistently loving? Queeney, how do you always find wonderful things to say about your family? BFF, how do you continue to endure day in and day out? Cheepy-Cheap-Cheep, how do you keep such a strong sense of yourself at all times? Monkey's Mom, how do you begin to heal yourself so well?
So, in honor of July 4th, my favorite holiday, I am declaring this month
Woman's Freedom Of Fire Festival of something.
Can you help me be better? Can you help me become more the Daughter I used to be? Because my divinity is not going so well, and I am having trouble feeling as divine as I know I should.
My assignment #1 for WFOFFOS for myself is to memorize the following, because maybe if I memorize it I will begin to believe it.:
"We were born for eternal glory. Just as faithful men were foreordained to hold the priesthood, we were foreordained to be women of God. We are women of faith, virtue, vision and charity who rejoice in motherhood and in womanhood and in the family. We are not panicked about perfection, but are working to become more pure." --Sister Sheri Dew.
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15 comments:
NPR.
I have been thinking about this post for a couple hours now and I've been trying to think of something profound or interesting to say. I have failed in that respect. I will say that we all have our ups and downs, and downs, and downs. Sometimes the only recourse we have is to reach out to each other, and upstairs.
I like your WFOFFOS and will find an appropriate assignment for myself. Your assignment from me is to make some divinity, if you can't find it, maybe you can eat it.
In honor of WFOFFOS I will be doing two things:
1) Internalizing the concept that while we all have have a Chloris (and for some/most of us it's more like Chlori in the plural) that we are silently in awe of, and certain of our inferiority to (and Jen you are definitely one of my Chlori!!), we are also, unbenownst to ourselves, somebody else's Chloris. Scary, but true, and deeply cool if you let it sink in (not my strong suit).
2) Duct taping sparklers to my bra - lighting them - and dancing around like a pagan. I will take pics if I don't end up in the hospital. Ok, that's a lie, there will be no photographic evidence -- but I'm sure you can visualize ;P
Yeah -- I don't know.
And while we're at it...
La Yen, how can you always intuitively know the needs (and wants) of others, and fulfill them by whatever means necessary regardless (irregardlessly) of the situation it puts YOU in, financially or otherwise?
I like that quote by Sheri Dew. I love that faith is listed first, just like in the YW theme, and just like in the Articles of Faith, it being the first principle of the gospel. Faith, faith, faith...
Wow... I wish I could give you a hug - so consider this a virtual one. I'm a forever Dew fan.
Your post reminds me of the C.S. Lewis quote about how if we really saw each other we'd either fall to our knees in awe or cower in fear.
Ry used to get so tired of me saying how amazing this person was or that person was. But - when I find things in other people that I'm impressed with... how can they not be.
You are amazing to me - I love reading your posts - they're honest, funny and reveal how down-to-earth you are. I totally enjoy your posts. Some of my fav posts are when you write to the Big Man Upstairs. They're perfect.
ps. There's far more people I can't say nice things about... but they're not worth my time or breath so I just focus on the few I can - that's more important anyway. ;-)
I know we've never met but I love you. Thank you for your honest post. I needed that as much as I need the laughs I get from your witty posts and comments--you have this uncanny ability to dish them out when I feel like crying more than I feel like laughing.
Do you know it took weeks for me to get up the nerve to meet ~J and then Geo because I read all your blogs and I know I'm not good enough? That's also why I found a reason not to go to Shannon's b.day party, but went early and left a card instead. I am going to miss out on half my life because of exactly what you said.
I wish you--and all of us--well on such a worthy quest. I'm coming to believe it's a life-long endeavor. We almost grasp it, then we so easily let it go.
Happy Freedom Day!
P.S. Laughing out loud over sparklers duct-tapped to the bra.
YenniFURR! Someone must smack you on the cheek!!! How is it possible that you could forget your amazingness for even one second??!! I think every person here is as in awe of you as I am!! (Plus they don't write sentences that awkward!!)
Ohhhh yes... the HUMAN part. Sometimes I forget that you are human like the rest of us.... It is inevitable that we (womin's) will compare ourselves to eachother. It's part of being on earth. Part of the struggle. The opposition. Trying to make us forget the big picture. It sucks. Everytime that I go through the cycle I think to myself "STOP doing that!!"... Then I do it again. I'm glad you remember to stop yourself as well. I'm glad that you remind me of the big pic. We're all here for the same reason. We're on the same team for crying out loud!!! We need to work TOGETHER not against eachother. Each of us is just trying to find our individual worth and remember our divine nature.
I'm grateful for the many strong women here. I soak up your wisdom and strength each time I read your encouraging and loving words to one another. I am working on being a better support. WFOFFOS to me, will be about trying to support the women around me. Build some team spirit!
I am kicking off the WFOFFOS celebration month by sharing a poem. Most of you will recognize it from the YW manual (teehee)
Coming Out
Some hatchings hurt…
And the new learning
softness
is so very tender.
It’s frightening to be
nothing more
than palest puff
that peeps.
And so remember
and remember
clarion call
to shelter:
“I will gather…
as a hen
gathereth
her chickens
under her wings…”
A place to grow
in strength.
(Dianne Dibb Forbis, New Era, Dec. 1977, p.7.)
SEE D&C 29:1-2
It's hard to be a woman. I won't even list all that this entails.
Each time I experience growth I also experience tremendous self-doubt and confusion. Likewise, when I am experience tremendous self-doubt and confusion if I reach out into the darkness and ask for help, I am able to experience growth. The most healing and comforting person I can turn to is my Savior, Jesus Christ and my loving Father in Heaven. Sometimes I am seeking acceptance, support, etc. from everyone else and I just can't get what I need from them. It's wonderful to remember that I can find shelter in the Lord and be renewed.
I always had a hard time accepting compliments. From the time I was little. My Mom always tried to help with this. She'd say, "I work dang hard to be a mom and raise you to be the best that you can be. You know, instead of a comeback or rolling your eyes every time you receive a compliment, try saying, "Thanks, it's because I have an awesome mom!" Even a physical compliment, she'd say "Thanks, I get it from my mom." hehe I think she was just trying to help me be more polite and make me laugh. This memory struck me today. Really connecting it to our divine nature and how I need to stop complaining about myself and remember my divine heritage.
ok. wow. way to much unrestrained typing going on here. 5 pages. I'm stopping. Please. Ladies, run with this and tell me YOUR analogies. Your stories, your insight.
Yen, as always, thank you for being you. Please block me from posting on your blog in the future!
Amy, I know what you mean. I had to decide a little while ago to start accepting compliments as graciously as possible. Hmm, there might be a post in that.
Let me start with handing some out:
I love La Yen because:
1. She makes me laugh. She is honestly one of the funniest people I've ever met.
2. She moved heaven and earth and then waited patiently for her baby.
3. She throws A Party!
4. She has perspective.
5. She tries to be a peacemaker and hold everyone together.
6. She saves TV movies for six months to show them to her friends.
7. She uses her past struggles to educate others.
8. She supports her husband in his chosen work although it means daily sacrifices.
9. Her cute short hair.
10. That no matter how long it's been, or how far away you are, she will always be a friend.
Last year when I met cj, she told me that she believes that one of the adversary's greatest tools is pitting women against women. Since that point, I have been aware of this strange struggle and being aware helps me to work on it for myself (knowledge is power?). I also recognize it very quickly around me and am cautious of it.
I think one of his other great tools is pitting us against ourselves. Often it seems the only people we are harder on than each other is ourselves.
So maybe our best defense is a good offense. Like Jenny said--if we recognize the source of those negative messages maybe we can be more aggressive in dismissing them?
Jen,
I've met Chloris and she is not as great as you might think.
In fact she mentioned to me just the other day that she loves your cleverness, sense of humor and courage.
And then she picked something huge and green out of her teeth.
It was really gross.
Go Women!
For the record, I think you rule.
Thanks for all of the love. I wish I could say something profound, but will overthink it and end up with nothing. You labies are the nuclear bombs.
I'm glad I didn't make it in your little list of women you admire. If I did then I'd feel obligated to keep up the facade and that would punish me. I know you admire me, so don't argue, just making a point that if you don't put people on the pedestal in the first place you won't have them to compare to.
CW was mentioning her feeling of inferiority tonight at dinner (so glad we finally met) and how she doesn't see anyone posting about bad stuff in life. I like to think of it as keeping the positive going so the negative doesn't start to overrule.
My missionaries taught me something neat about positive attitude... I worked at a call center at the time of my conversion. One elder challenged me to say "I'm happy" everytime someone on the other end asked "How are you?" By the 5th time of saying "I'm happy" I actually felt that way.
I should re-implement that tool.
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