Assignment 2

How are you doing with your divinity?

As I have been working on memorizing that quote, I keep having a song by the Laurie Berkner Band run through my head. It is a peppy little march, and the lyrics are as follows:
I’m not perfect
No, I’m not
I’m not perfect
But I’ve got what I’ve got!
I’ll do my very best
Do my very best
Do my very best each day!
No, I’m not perfect,
But you know, I like me that way!

The part I have been focusing on is the “But I’ve got what I’ve got” bit. It reminded me that I used to not have a problem with not being able to do everything for everyone. I didn’t used to be so needy and grasping; I used to feel confident.

And then I got it onto my head that I needed to become a better woman.

My philosophy used to be very capitalistic. (Am I using the right, Azucar? We all know that the only way I passed econ was with the tremendous curve—I got a D on the final and a B in the class...) I firmly believed that there was a need for people, like me, who could not do everything. I can’t quilt, for example, but I can buy quilts from those who can. I can’t dance, but I can enjoy watching performances. I didn’t feel bad at all about my cant’s—I saw myself as a much needed part of the system. Then, when we first moved with Army, I had the rug pulled out from under me—no support system. No school, no friends, one slightly dying car, and a ward where I was one of two childless women. I was called into the RS presidency, where I felt completely out of place, and got this overwhelming need to start baking bread and wearing jumpers. I quit my job in management so that I could be home to be a better church member, and started trying to be that woman. It was awful. I had what I had, but I felt like I didn’t have anything at all.

And I’ve been trying to recover ever since.

When I have a job, it is easier, because I get that instant feedback—bosses buying lunch, people telling me I am invaluable. I have something tangible to contribute and don’t need to prove myself as often. Staying at home, although I know it is the right decision for my family, sometimes feels like the wrong decision for ME.

But I just remembered that I’ve got what I’ve got.

My assignment #2 for myself is to make a list of guys I’ve got. So that I can go back to being me again. I shall explain:
Out here, everyone has “a guy.” I don’t know if it is the same everywhere, but it probably is. We currently have a yard guy, a computer guy, and a movie guy. Not people that are our laborers, or anything, but people that we can call when we need advice or help with a project. We used to have a car guy, but he just moved. When others question how we did something, we say “Oh, I have a great guy. I will give you his number.” Eventually we would like to have more guys, so that we can rely on others more, and have a better house.

I am going to adopt this philosophy for myself for this assignment—I can be my own guy for lots of things, but I need guys for everything else. Another way to think of it is in terms of management—I never hire people who are just like me, because then nothing that I can’t do will ever get done. I hire people who compliment me, so that as a tema we are complete.

So, here are some things I can be my guy for—and you can call on me if you need a guy for this, too:
1. I am a great teacher. I can teach anything to anyone. (Except for driving. I am far to stressed to teach driving. You would need to get a driving teacher guy.)
2. I write an amazing research paper. I can be the research guy.
3. I make some delicious Cuban food. I can be the dinner guy.
4. I am an amazing gift giver. (I know that we mock this, but I have to own it.) You need a gift that will be perfect? I am the guy.
5. I am the master spreadsheet guy.

I am not the cleaning guy, the organizing guy, the cake making guy, the decorating guy, the finance guy, the math guy, the computer guy, the picture guy, the quilt guy, the crafty guy, the creative writing guy, the babysitting guy, the parenting guy, or the gardening guy. So I am going to find guys for that.
This is not to say that I can’t learn to be those guys, but I don’t have to. It is just fine to not. I’ve got what I’ve got, and I will do my very best.