I am so incredibly sick.
I have been poisoned by the Pampered-Chef-Spinach-dip inside of the bread thing. How do I know this? It is 12 hours later and I can still identify the spinach. I'll leave that to your imagination. Also, did you know that it is possible (poxible) to get spinach in your nose and sinus cavity if you are throwing up very violently?
In honor of the illness, I am going to blog about the other times I have been food poisoned--think of it as a public service announcement, or an attempt for pity.
Time 1: W had just going to interrogator school and I ate chicken that I should not have eaten. Within about 15 minutes I was throwing up in the trash can outside the JMR at the University Mall--yes, like a wino. (This was in the old days, before the Nordstroms, so nobody noticed. If I did that today all of the ladies who read Utah Valley Magazine would have me removed and then go get manicures and talk about how the prophet doesn't mean THEIR kids when he talks about spoiling your children.) I had to convince my boss that I was sick by throwing up three more times and then he let me go home. Since W had just left I was terrified that I was pregnant, and I remember praying that this didn't last for 9 months. Then I realized it was food poisoning and I relaxed. And threw up.
Time 2: W poisoned me. He says it was not deliberately, and I believe him, but that has not stopped me from getting as much mileage out of it as I can. He made me some cocoa from the Cocoamotion (greatest invention I know...) but did not get all of the soap out of it when he cleaned it. That's right... "Soap...POIsoning." Luckily I didn't go blind, but I was so incredibly sick. Soap, apparently, not good for your guts.
Time 3: This time. The devil spinach dip time. Bad. In order to keep myself from thinking about how much I wanted to die I made up a song at about 3 am. Here you go!
(Sung to the tune of "I could have danced all night")
I could have pooped all night
I could have pooped all night
And still have pooped some more
I could have pooped and pooped
That spinach dippy goop
Like I've never done before.
I'll never know
What made me so
Prolific
Like all at once
My Guts took flight...
I only know that I
Feel like I want
To die
I could have Pooped Pooped POOPED all niiiight...
Isn't the internet great?
Friday, July 29, 2005
Curse you, Pampered Chef!
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5 comments:
poor, poor Baby!
I'm sorry you're not feeling good.
This is the first time I entered the realm of your BLOG. I was kinda hesitant, because I thought it might be personal stuff that moms should not intrude upon (and that you would later publish in some kind of book -"Mommy Dearest part II")
So I was wrong.
Very few can compose and purge at the same time, and all to Rogers and Hammerstein, too! Quite talented!
Hope you feel better soon.
my first night in dallas (two nights ago), i was barfing - fun times while sharing a room with four strangers... clara was sick the same night, and today it's papi. partridge just reported (as per her husband) that the wrights, the jenkinses, and the kemps are also barfing. jen, were you at our ward picnic in manti on saturday? did you have the watermelon? did you have to pull a james?
for more on poop, please visit:
http://lorienf.blogspot.com
Hi, I just have to say that I love the movie A Christmas Story and burst out laughing at your "SOAP POIsoning!" My kids even ran in to see what was going on! My favorite line from the movie. . . "Flick? Flick who?"
I'm sorry I shouldn't be laughing. . . If you ever could eat it again, I have a great spinach dip receipe!!
Hi, I found you from Formerly Phred who found me through various channels. Your blogs make me laugh as well as hers. In fact, I wish you guys were my neighbors because then I wouldn't mind not ever leaving the house.... I find it interesting that we all comment on not being able to leave very often (typical mothing thing) but now that I have interesting things to read, I don't mind as much!!
Sorry about the food poisoning. I have had it exactly 5 times and don't know what did it either time. What I do know is that I really and truely wanted to die. I have never felt that way before. It is evil stuff.
Wow! New friends without having to go to any silly enrichment! This internet is great! Thanks!
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