I am not making any of this up.

Dear My Mom:

I know that you are using this as a practical means to communicate lots of information in a quick and easy fashion, but text messages are not the forum for letting your three children know that their grandmother is now in the nursing home. Or that their niece is in the hospital with seizures. Or that their stepsister is in a coma.

To sum up, things that are great for texting:

pictures
jokes
links
quick questions.

Not so good for the text:

medical emergencies
death
trauma

Thanks,
Your eldest.

PS: There is a reason that we threaten you with The Jitterbug. Please don't make us remove your texting privileges. You are not that old. BRB. ROFL.