MacGruber, Jerseylicious, Waldo, and Pink Musketeer want to wish you a Happy New Year! (This is not the picture we ended up going with.)I am a fan of the Christmas letter. Because I want to know what is going on with you. Because I am a hermit and probably haven't actually talked to you in person since, well, 1997. And I am fine with that, because you keep me updated with your Christmas Letter.
Some people do not like the Christmas Letter. Those people are out of luck when they get my card, tell you what.
There are a common schools of thought to the Christmas Letter. Shall we?
First, that it should be peppy and cheerful. I fully agree with this one. I knew a girl who, when asked what she wanted to have included in her portion, spelled out details of her intentional overdose. This is not peppy. Yes, it is honest, but is it something you want the nine-year-old of your best friend's neighbor reading? No. Is it something that family should know about? Maybe. Is the Christmas Letter the place to break it to Great Aunt Tilda? No. If Grumpy Boots Teenager wants to tell the world that the holidays are just a commercial scam and there is no Messiah, then it is up to you, the writer, to spin it. Maybe like this: "Becky Sue (who now prefers to be called Rebecca) is really getting into the spirit in her world religion classes! She loves serving others, especially those who do not live in our home. We love that she is so unique and that black is such a flattering color on her!"
Another rule of Christmas Lettering is that it should be short. I agree with this to a point--I keep it down to one page. If you have thirteen children, yours will be longer. That is fine. If you have no children, only show ponies, you should have a paragraph.
Some people like to have a theme with their letters. They recap the year month-by-month, or write the whole thing like a news article. This does not work for me because I don't remember what we did last month, and I am not good at the formatting and photoshopping. But I don't mind reading them. I always wonder, though, for the monthly updaters: do you feel pressure to do something memorable each month? What happens when March is just full of deadlines and crap and your electric bill gets turned off because you were so busy with absolutely nothing that you forgot to pay it?
I have a special theme to my letters--I almost didn't share it because I am quite happy with it and don't want a ton of imitators. But then I remembered that I actually stole it from a Valentine's letter Azucar put out years ago. And I felt guilty. So here it is: We each get a paragraph, and it includes our recommendations for books and movies to read. Then we say what we would do if we had a million dollars. I like it, it keeps the paragraphs unified, and makes us seem very creative and winning. WINNING.
Finally, know your audience. One of my friends has got this down to a science: she has come to terms with the fact that people really only want to know about her grand kids. So that is what she updates about. I labor under the delusion that everyone wants to know about me, so that is what I write about.
This year I experimented with a little religion in the closing paragraph. Usually I don't feel compelled to bear my testimony in a holiday missive, but felt like I needed to express my gratitude for an exceedingly crazy year full of blessings. Some people are all full of the Sperrit and like to testify in the whole letter, with crazy capitalization and Comic Sans. I get a little uncomfortable with that, unless it reeks of The Crazy, in which case I copy it and email to all of my friends.
And that is how I go to Hell every Christmas.
What think you about the letter? Do you do it? Enjoy it? Read it? Hate it?
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