Monday, September 15, 2008

Race is the last taboo, you know.

So, I guess I am a racist.

Item one: On America's Next Top Model all of the girls got all up in it with the model from Alaska because she said "I am the stereotypical white girl." Apparently that is racist.

I say that ALL the time. Because my people are from England. And Denmark. And England. And Denmark. And Scotland. And a tiny bit from Russia. And England. I have no colors in me (except when W is home. Schwing!) AND I am from the OC. AND I grew up in the age of "Project Self-Esteem" wherein we learned that it was unacceptable to say things like "He is black." Instead, we were to say "He is wearing a red shirt." So I am super apologetic about my whiteness, and super aware of it, and, according to the Tranny and the Loud Korean--I mean the model wearing the penis and the model wearing the short shorts--that is unacceptable. Sorry.

Item two: I emailed Azucar the news story with the headline "Whites boost McCain's numbers" because I was all excited that my people got some props for something other than racial cleansing. Because we don't get to brag all that much. About anything. But I think that is probably racist, too. Even though I am gracious to W about the whites and how I will try really hard to get him a pass when the Aryans take over. Because I am a giver, and families can be forever, even if one of them is a Lat-in.

Item three: I am uncomfortable around one of our missionaries because he is deaf and wears a thumb ring. The deafness doesn't bother me, but the thumb ring is a little goofy. Like he is a fifteen year old girl. But in last season's ANTM they got all up in another model's face because they thought she was "racist against blind people." So I am probably in trouble for that, too.

Anyway, sorry for offending the various people in the world. All of them, with all of their different colors of shirts.

9 comments:

Fig said...

Politically correctness is lame, schwing.

Jooj has some culturalness too, doesn't she? So you have to feel doubly apologetic for your whiteness in your family. Dang it.

soybeanlover said...

Hmm time to relax with some Politically Correct Fairy Tales for you and Jooj.

Hey does that mean I'm in trouble too for me and hubby making 'yellow' jokes about our kid? dang!

Waldo said...

One, props for the Wayne Campbell reference. There are too few of those going around.

Two, ANTM is probably not the barometer of cultural sensitivity you want to use. I'm just saying.

Three, I am racist against stupid people. And carneys. Small hands. Smell like cabbage.

Four, can't wait for April. Sha-WING!

dastew said...

I'm racist against models. They're all a bunch of stupid heroin addicts who walk down runways with no clothes on. Sha-Wing.

I'm racist against whities like yourselves, and my wife who says she's breeding out my Mexicanness, which means I'm also racist against three quarters of myself...Oh crap.

Personally I'm glad carneys are around because no matter how bad life gets I can say "at least I'm not a carney".

dalene said...

I am racist against stupid people and I'm stealing my new favorite excuse for my sorry life from dastew "at least I'm not a carney." Although I'm sure carneys have feelings too.

Kalli Ko said...

coincidence that i just watched wayne's world yesterday? i think not.

and i totally didn't know i was boosting john mccain. i wish they'd tell me before lumping my people (meaning the whites) into a headline...

gurrbonzo said...

I'm racist against douchebags.

Just kidding. I just wanted to be vulgar.

gurrbonzo said...

I just saw this on the sidebar...what the crap is needle felting?

La Yen said...

It isn't vulgar if it is the truth. I say.

Needle felting is where you take wool and then mash it together with some more wool to make wool things. It seems like mindless creating. And I like to be mindless.

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