Had this.
Did you see where it said "simple," "5 minutes," and "Fainting?"
Mine took one hour. (Not including the gowning up. That is one hour in the speculum.)
Three separate, beginning-to-end tries.
Three Random, pony-tailed, male radiologists, the main one of whom, I kid you not, looked EXACTLY like Queen Scarlett's father, and a tech-in-training who was in her Camos. (So it appeared as if there was a Military Junta in my Va-Jay-Jay.)
I heard the following phrases while I was trying to "relax:"
1. "Well, we don't want the balloon to pop in her abdomen!"
2. "My hands are all greasy. Can you put some lube on this catheter for me?"
3. "I know--let's pull down on the speculum so we can get inside her cervix."
4. "Yeah, we can wait while you go get some batteries."
5. "Can you feel this inside your cervix? Most women say that they can tell when we get it in the right place."
6. We don't have stirrups in this room, so you'll just have to hold your legs up."
7. "Man, that dye is just coming right back out again!"
8. "We don't have a stool. Can you just hop up on this xray table?"
9. "Well, I guess that this is as good as we can get. We can't get the other one to work. Looks like you have one fallopian tube open, and that is all you need to get pregnant. " (Really? All I need? No wonder I am just tripping on all of my babies over here.)
10. "You might be a little sore."
I am not making any of this up.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
And La Yen said unto W: "Go unto thy handmaiden."
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8 comments:
Hysterosalpingogram?
The name alone scares me.
hope you are surviving your journey to SD
Back in the dark ages of reproductive medicine (aka the late 70's) my mom had this test (or one exactly like it) so I grew up hearing the horrific tale of it (though your version is way scarier -- though also much funnier in it's telling).
This was the test, I do believe, that determined one of my mom's tubes is something akin to a blocked up cork-screw. She also got the same obnoxious pronouncement about 'one good one is all you need' (as though her lack of pregnancy on the strength of one tube was somehow the fault of her other tube's laziness and she sould go home and give it a good talking to).
I don't know what's wrong with medical people -- but their bedside manner doesn't seem to be improving with time. Sometimes they make me want to slap them and point out that I'm a human being -- and I'm convinced that no jury would convict me for it!
So, if you need someone to come down there and slap some sense into someone -- I'm your girl :)
It's always reassuring when you hear a medical professional say, "I guess that this is a good as we can get."
You deserve your own show... you always make me laugh... I love how you find humor in Va-jay-jay situations. Speaking of which - in your other post where you say "labies" all I could think was Va-jay-jay... had to keep reminding myself you were saying ladies.
And... glad my Dad could be of service. hehehheh
Man, that dye is just coming right back out again!
All these quotes remind me of a friend of mine who went to the hospital for an emergency and they cathetarized her va-jay-jay. EXCUSE ME? You're the professionals and you can't tell the difference? My faith in the medical profession is very close to turning heretical.
I always appreciate a good junta.
Oh Yen,
At least THAT test is over (that is the one that I hear is the worst....).
I got your message and I will give you a call soon. GOOD LUCK in this new adventure....... :-)
I hope you don't mind stranger friends posting...I think I found you and lulu by typing in mormon and search blogs.....ANYWAY....
I had a hysterosalpingogram 15 years and three adoptions ago. I work in the medical field. Like a moron, I chose to have my procedure in the hospital that I work in. So, I'm laying there all propped up in the ever popular "open wide" position and the radiologist asks if it is ok if he has "A" colleague join him in this procedure. I said sure....(meaning hurry up a$$hole and get this thing over with!) Before I knew it, about six to eight residents (that I would later orient to my unit and work with for the next 4 years!)gathered around my va-jay-jay to check out this new glow in the dark stick they were putting in there to see better (YESSSSS!! The one you hang around your childs neck on Halloween night so they can easily be spotted trick or treating!) I'll never quite forget that first group of residents.....hopefully they've forgotten me and my glow in the dark va-jay-jay.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, besides the invasive nature of the procedure itself......mine hurt like HELL that night and next day! I hope you have recovered nicely and are on your way to fixing the problem. b.
By the way....don't hate me because I'm medical. I work in Pediatrics.......trust me, a completely different ball game than the adult medical peeps. Oh, don't get me wrong, I respect most of those folks and what they do, I would just take kid poop over big people poop anyday!!
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