Bumbles Bounce!

There are a few tried and true rules that I live by:
1. Never pass a drinking fountain without taking a sip
2. If someone sends you an invitation you should send a gift
3. Watch EVERY children's Christmas special that airs.

In the spirit of rule #3, I was very excited to watch "Davey and Goliath's Snowboard Christmas" which aired on Hallmark yesterday morning. I am a long-time lover of both Clokey productions and Christmas programs, so expected to be at least entertained. So, so wrong.

Let me back up. I think that you need to understand my devotion to Christmas programming. I am not just talking about standards like "Merry Christmas Charlie Brown," and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," but also horrors like "Christmas comes to Pac-Land"
and "Claymation Christmas" featuring the California Raisins. I watch "The Cabbage Patch Christmas" (remember poor red-headed Jenny who could not get adopted because she was handicapped? Those Kids sure helped her out!) and "The Glo-friends Save Christmas."














So , to recap, my tolerance for Christmas programs is very, very high, and my expectations are very, very low. I do not expect most programs to be on par with "Yogi's First Christmas" when Candi and Yogi stuck it to that little prick, Snively, and Candi got all handsy in the sleigh with Yogi and Boo Boo. I do not expect to reach the Gold Standard, "Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas" ever again. (Sweet, Sweet Emmett, how touching it is when you put a hole in your mother's washbasin and she hocks your tool chest, and how wrong it is when the River Bottom Nightmare Band rob you of your desperately needed prize money. For shame, River Bottom judges, For SHAME.)
I will forgive the cheesy, ("The Bear Who Slept through Christmas")
and the preachy ("Fat Albert Christmas," "The Year without Christmas," "Yes, Virgina there is a Santa Claus.")

All of these, however, are what make the season so wonderful for me. This feeling was crushed, however, buy Dave and Goliath.

Oh Davey, when did you become property of the Lutherans? Oh Davey, when did you start snowboarding? Oh Davey, when did you feel the need to make Muslim and Jewish friends, and then painfully have them explain their holiday traditions? Oh Davey. Davey, do you remember when Arnold and Willis had that cousin with epilepsy and there was a VERY special episode where he had a seizure and we were all educated not to hate those with low tolerance to strobe lights? Do you remember how we felt uncomfortable watching that, because we never thought that epilepsy was worthy of a VERY special episode because it was not new or scandalous? That is how we feel watching you make a VERY special Ramadan-zakkah discovery. Come on, Lutherans! Come ON. How low have you brought me? Low enough to , in an attempt to wash the innapropriate taste out of my eyes, deperately try to find that episode of Facts of Life where Natalie loses her virginity. That low.